FULL STORY: I'm Pregnant But BF Demands I Sell My Home Bc He Needs My Money To Start His Business

for several years i was a club dancer i

have no shame about what i did

and only quit when i got a better job


in the time i worked as a dancer i

intentionally lived as cheaply as


nasty little studio flat living off

ramen wearing old clothes

because my co-workers all told me that

they were able to buy their own places

on their income

so long as they saved like crazy before

i retired

i managed to outright buy myself a

three-bedroom flat i rented out the

other rooms for a while but i got sick

of having roommates

so now i have them up online for shorter


but not to rent i met this guy about

18 months ago and we've been together

since he knows about my employment


and he said that he has no issue with it

though he did ask me to tell his family

the white lie

i occasionally use on my cv and stuff

which is that i was a waitress which it

kind of was to be fair

a month ago we found out that i'm two

months pregnant he says this is great


and we should move in together i assumed

he'd be moving into my place

because he rents his far smaller


flat well i own mine and i have room

for a baby's room while he doesn't also

i really don't want to leave my flat

it's my flat i love it i could see

myself living here for the rest of my


and i don't want to lose the security of

owning a flat and

have to go back to paying rent to a

mortgage each month

however he then said that he didn't want

to move into my place

and said i should sell it and we'd buy a

place together i said that i like my


it means a lot to me that i was able to

buy it and it represents years of

working so hard scrimping and saving

he then said that he understands all

that but we should be living together by

the time the baby comes

and he didn't want to live in my flat i

asked him why not

it's a great flat it's central to

everything it's spacious

it's got room for all his stuff there's

a daycare in the building

run and owned by another tenant and a

school five minute walk away

the list goes on and he said that he

didn't want to live in a flat that was

bought with

dirty money that really ticked me off

and i told him no way am i selling my

flat and that he never had an issue with

my money paying for this flat before now

i said i wasn't giving up the security

of owning a home for someone who tries

to make me feel ashamed about something

i don't feel ashamed of

he said that his point is if i sold the

flat then we could get a new place with

the money from the sale

i said wouldn't that still be dirty

money and he said that's different

and i asked how he then said he was

going back to his place because i can't

talk to you when you're in this state

he's gone back to his flat now and he's

texted me saying i'm overreacting and


and i need to think of this

realistically rather than emotionally

he said he wouldn't feel right raising a

child in my flat

knowing how i purchased it and selling

or moving is the best idea for all of us

not to mention the fact he isn't on the

deed because it's my place and

it would never feel like our place

because of this i feel like i might be

the idiot because i get why he might

feel like it's just my place

and i feel i'm being too rigid in a time

we need to work together

plus i spoke to my sister and she sided

with him so two out of three people

think i'm in the wrong here

am i the idiot not the idiot and big red

flag that when he doesn't have a valid


he calls you emotional and unreasonable

i can understand not feeling it's his


but does he intend to put up half of

whatever you move to

or he just wants a place that he got to

pick out together

if he wants to put in half and buy part

of your place it makes it both of yours

or sell and both put equal amounts into

a new place then

worth discussing the dirty money

argument it's

ugly and also illogical very concerning

he went there

even if he does it just seems like he's

already thinking ahead to the breakup

he's making sure she can't just kick him


yep people don't seem to realize that

there are plenty of conniving

manipulative users out there who think

five steps ahead

wouldn't be surprised if he got her

pregnant on purpose to try to trap her

quick recap on my first post i spent

several years working as a dancer

at the end of which i was able to buy my

own flat

i've been with my boyfriend for about 18

months and i'm currently around

three months pregnant with the news of

the baby incoming

my boyfriend said he wanted me to sell

my place so we could use the money to

get a new place together

and when i refused he called me

irrational i thought i was the idiot

because of that

plus my sister sided with him now for

the update

because a lot of people asked for one

first off i dumped him

he initially said that he doesn't want

to be a parent if we're not a couple

but earlier this week he told me he

wants majority custody

so not only does he not have to pay

child support but if he gets majority

then i end up paying him

he actually said that was his reasoning

he also runs his own startup

and admitted the startup is basically

done for and he was hoping when i sold

my place i could also put a cash

injection into his business with the


so basically this was all about money

for him and

i have extensive documentation of all of

this there's going to be a legal case

but i've gotten legal advice and it

looks like i'll be able to get sole

custody which is what i intend to go for

in the last couple weeks my sister has

doubled down and is trying to get me to

fix things with my ex

because a baby should have a complete

family so

i've not been involving her in my

pregnancy which she's furious about

she also told her parents which i am

furious about so we're not speaking

right now

i also want to say thank you to everyone

who commented on my first post

when i first posted between my boyfriend

and my sister

i was genuinely convinced i was in the

wrong so to have such an

overwhelmingly supportive response

really helped me realize that i

shouldn't doubt myself so much

and with that realization plus

everything going on right now

i've decided to go to therapy which i'll

be starting next week

all in all the outcome of this is

probably going to be me being a single

mother in the flat i own

and honestly pretty decent outcome i

have to call crap to the baby needs a

complete family

a kid can have a mom and dad and still

have a dysfunctional family

single parent two parents parents of the

same gender it doesn't matter

your ex sounds controlling and a leech

all the reasons he wants to be together

or be a father or more to his benefit

good luck to you op and your baby it

might be a long road ahead but you can

do this you've made it this far

good luck on getting custody sounds like

he wants custody for the money not your


and i'm guessing you know that since you

are going for soul custody

good on you for dumping him he's a leech

considering he is nothing but a failing

business to his name

op should be able to make quick work of


bonus points if he admitted in writing

that he only wants custody to get out of

child support

my fiance 26 male and i 25 female

are supposed to get married next spring

but there's one thing that's keeping me

from wanting to continue with the

wedding until this

is solved him and his ex had a baby when

they were both 22

but broke up shortly after the baby was

born we

started dating a year later and are now


the child is now four he wants to stay

close to

his daughter but the baby's mother

cannot afford rent in a place

closer and would have had to move to

either a one bedroom

a bad neighborhood about 25 minutes away

or a decent neighborhood about an hour


so my fiance made an arrangement that

he'd help her pay her rent

giving her two hundred dollars a month

plus another hundred dollars for child


in exchange for not putting him on child


the hundred dollars i can understand but

the helping with rent is really

bothering me

and i feel like if she can't afford rent

then she needs to find another place to


i'd be willing to take in her daughter

if she decides to get a one bedroom


but my fiance got angry and said the

decisions he makes about his child

do not involve me his ex found out and

said that if he stops helping with rent

she's gonna have to go for child support

and that she's helping us out because

apparently she can get more from child

support because of how much my fiance


however i think this is just an empty

threat i told my fiance

i'm not marrying him unless he stops

you are the idiot he's responsible for

his child and is paying a shockingly low

amount of support outside of the rent

if you're not willing to support him in

supporting his child

move on and find a partner without


you are so wrong she's right she can get

way more from her baby daddy

300 a month is nothing god you sound

like you'd be an

evil stepmother do you honestly you

really think

a hundred dollars is enough for the

upkeep of a child

i hope he takes your ultimatum and does

not marry you

hope he sees how much of a toxic ugly

person you are

you're obviously too selfish and

immature to get married if that's how

you're thinking

my best friend kelly passed away two

years ago we were both childhood friends

she adopted her dog leo seven years ago

and we became attached to him

and he was the bond that made our

friendship stronger

when she passed away i took him in a few

months after she passed

and it felt like she was there every

time he runs in or cuddles with me

i recently moved in with my fiance he

lives out of town

and brought leo in with me i could sense

that my fiance didn't feel comfortable

with having leah live with us

he sat with me and asked if we could

offer him up for adoption

since i've been busy with college and he

was busy working

i told him the story behind taking leo

in and he sort of dropped it

during the last couple of weeks i was

visiting my parents and asked my fiance

to take care of him while i was away

he said okay i called every night to

check in on leo

and i could hear him bark in background

but a few days later he stopped

my fiance told me he was outside i came


and noticed leah was gone i waited till

my fiance got back and he sat me down

and explained that while he was out with


a family approached him and asked him if

he was putting him up for adoption

and said they were willing to provide a

home for him since their son who didn't

let go of leo

lost his dog who looked the same age as

him he said he felt sorry for

the kid and decided to give them leo i

was in shock

i lost it and yelled at him that it

wasn't his place because leo was mine

he lashed out saying i was hurting his

feelings and overreacting

i told him he needed to get him back he

just gave me their number and told me to

handle it

i've had a hard time trying to get him


and i did eventually i packed up and

moved back with my parents

my fiance is calling and apologizing

then saying he can no longer pay for

rent on his own

i didn't reply my family say i should

forgive him and get over it

but i just couldn't i feel heavy and

unable to even talk to him anymore

not the idiot that was not his dog not

his decision and he had absolutely zero


he's not actually sorry he's just

realizing how much it sucks to lose a


and the stability that comes with a

committed relationship

that's his problem now you enjoy your

pup and your life away from someone that

inconsiderate and terrible your family


wrong i can't begin to emphasize how

wrong they are

this man is not worthy of your

forgiveness he has shown

that he is willing to hurt you he has

shown that he does not respect you

he has shown that he's willing to

gaslight you this is not a person you

should ever be near again

it is a miracle that you got your sweet

dog back and i'm so happy you did

again your family is wrong if you want

to internally forgive him for your own

peace of mind

that's one thing and by forgive i mean

choose to let go of anger so that it

doesn't eat you up

that does not mean go back to him that

does not mean tell him he's forgiven

it simply means choosing to readjust

your own mental state

for your own comfort and if you choose

not to forgive him

and to instead remain ragingly angry for

the rest of your life

that is a perfectly valid choice

do not listen to your family that is not

a good man

you are not wrong to make things clear

i didn't marry my husband and willingly

become a step parent to his daughter

i married my husband when we were both

21 and we had our daughter when we were


two years later my husband began an

affair with his terminally ill coworker

note she wasn't terminally ill when they

started the affair

an affair that ended with her death we

were separated

and he moved in with her when she got

pregnant in her second trimester

she received her terminal diagnosis and

was given a few months to live

she made it through birth and passed

away when her daughter was three months


i was brought up by a religious mother

who didn't believe in divorce

and inspired me to fight for our

marriage so i did

he moved back into our marital home with

his daughter

and i accepted her as his daughter

religious brainwashing made me unable to

make rational decisions

our marriage improved i even got

pregnant with a baby boy last year but

later had a termination which i passed

off as a loss

yes i know this was horrible but with

the termination came the realization


reconciliation was a big mistake and

that at 34 i don't want to waste my last

fertile years being in the wrong


so i started planning my exit and now we

are legally separated

i had have a pretty good relationship

with his daughter who's little

my daughter adores her little sister and

i love their bond

however i never intended to take on her

mother's role when i reconciled

with my husband i wasn't a disengaged

figure in her life but

no i didn't think of myself as her

mother i cooked cleaned and looked after

her when she was sick

but never disciplined her myself she's

close to her maternal grandparents

his mistress's parents who've always

thanked me for accepting her

last night my husband and i were

discussing visitation

and he asked whether i had a room for

his daughter in my new apartment

i got confused and asked what he meant

apparently he was under the assumption

that i would also take his daughter

during my time

i clarified that my apartment did have

an extra room

but that room was meant for my

boyfriend's daughter who's around my

daughter's age and they're good friends

although we don't have plans of moving

in together anytime soon

i want to have a room for his daughter

because he also has a room for my

daughter at his place

i told him that i wasn't going to claim

legal custody of his daughter

he now thinks i'm breaking her heart

because she thinks she will live with me

part-time like her older sister

and no she doesn't call me mom to her

i'm my name

am i the idiot edit making this edit

because people have asked me to clarify


i'm open to have her over at my

apartment for occasional visits and

sleepovers with her sister

i'm not comfortable taking on a

co-parenting responsibility like my

husband wants

so no i don't want equal custody or any

kind of legal responsibility

i will be in contact with her i won't

take on any kind of parental


you are not the idiot but man that whole

situation is rough

you might try weaning down visits versus

a clean break to make it an easier

transition for her

but ooh that's going to be tough either

way good luck to you

pretty sure that ship has sailed she has

a new boyfriend with a kid who has a

room at her place

and in my experience kids that young do

better with clean breaks

drawing it out is super confusing and

draws more attention to the issue

everyone's wrong here him for cheating

and settling the child's expectations

without confirming the plan with

you and you for taking him back without

taking on a mother role with his


no matter what reasons you decided to

work on your marriage

you punished an innocent child for his


and you're punishing her even more now

you never should have gotten involved

with him again if you weren't going to

be her mother

she was three months old and you thought

you could have your husband without

being a crucial figure in her life

do you realize the kind of damage that

does the best you can do to fix that

wrong now

is to take her when you take her

daughter and start being more of a

mother to her now

if you'd never taken him back never

fostered a bond between her

and your own daughter you'd have no

obligation to her

but she's not a baby anymore you were

present through her infancy and most

formative years

you don't get to back out now because

you regret going back to your husband

your absence now will do so much more

harm than it would have done if you'd

not taken him back some background info

i 41 male have a disabled daughter molly

with my ex-girlfriend sarah

37 this all started 12 years ago

me and sarah were together for about

four years and we were trying to have a


after a couple of weeks of trying she

got pregnant and we were super excited

unfortunately in her fourth month the

doctors told us that our baby is

severely disabled

and advised us to get a termination it

was very

hard on us we started arguing a lot

because sarah wanted to keep the baby


i didn't i said i don't want to spend my

whole life taking care of a child and

throw away everything

but sarah didn't want to kill the baby

we argued about this

every day eventually it became too much

and we broke up we still kept in contact

with each other as

friends a couple months later she went

into labor

i came into the hospital with her to

support her

as the doctor said molly was born

severely disabled

they kept her in the hospital for a

couple of weeks and then gave her to


she took her to her house and i visited

them a couple of times

within the next months i got a job offer

and moved away to another city

me and sarah are still in contact and i

send them money every month

but we meet each other very rarely about

once in

two years so molly is older now

she's bound to a wheelchair and will

never walk she has a mind of a

three-year-old and can't speak

sarah left everything to take care of


she's at home with her 24 7 because

molly is unable to do anything on her


they get state contributions sarah can't

go to work

and i send them the money i have a wife

now and two little daughters and we live

about four hours drive away from sarah

sarah called me last week saying that

it's too much on her

she said she does nothing else other

than taking care of molly and she's


she gave up on her career hobbies

friends and everything

she asked me to start taking care of

molly as well

she asked if i could have her in my care

at least once a week every two months

in the beginning and after i know how to

take care of her then

maybe more often i talked about it with

my wife

and we both agreed we don't want to take

care of molly

i apologize to sarah and instead i

offered to pay for a professional to

take care of her

to pay some facility to take her in but

sarah refused she doesn't want a

stranger to take care of molly

nor put her away in a facility i feel

really bad for sarah but i have a

responsibility to my two daughters and

my wife now

i talked about it with my parents and

they understand

and don't blame me but i feel like i

might be the idiot

not the idiot you offered to pay for a

solution which is very generous

i hate to say it but this is what she

signed up for when she decided to

continue the pregnancy

as harsh as that sounds it is so true