How to Discipline a One Year Old (or create a YES SPACE!)

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junkie the place to go to love parenting

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in today's video why you shouldn't

discipline your 1 year old and what you

should do instead stay with me

today I'm reading the question from

Isabel and she writes hey every time I'm

a first-time mom from Australia and baby

boy is 11 months old he has been a super

curious baby from day one now that he is

cooling he wants to play with everything

including non play items like the TV

screen or mobile phone or power cords I

know he is curious and wants to learn

but how do you discipline at this age

since they don't really understand much

yet in terms of words so much confusing

information out there with disciplining

a baby of this age group also I love

your channel thanks for all the great

mama info lovely Isabelle if like is

about you have also ever been confused

by all the conflicting parenting advice

out there give this video a like and

give me a love in the comments I'll be

the first to go because I know I have

now you'll want to stick with me till

the end because I've created a free

cheat sheet for Isabel and for all you

baby mamas out there

Isabel this is a great question and one

that I get very often because it is so

confusing there are so many methods out

there how to train our babies and how to

discipline a one-year-old recently I was

taught about the blanket method which

scared the heebie-jeebies out of me

basically it's a whole group of

thousands of people who are following

this method where you put a blanket on

the floor and every time the baby gets

off the blanket they get hit so they

learn by Pavlovian association that

getting off the bank

equals painting better stay on the

blanket and this is how parents are

keeping their one-year-old sitting on a

square blanket this type of thing

frightens the living daylights out of me

the idea that we need to frighten our

children and use fear-based

and pain based approaches to discipline

and train them into certain behaviors

just for our convenience doesn't make

any sense to this heart and this mind my

own perception is about is that one year

olds need no discipline one year olds

entire job in the world is to explore

and that's what they're designed to do

and that's what they need to do every

time I read about a method that suggests

spanking letting shouting no I get sad

because I realized that it's all rooted

in fit in fear that we can't keep our

children safe and that we can't create

an environment for them to be free in

and that we need to somehow induce a

fear in them of us and our reactions in

order to control and manipulate their

behaviors in ways that suit us better

for me that price is way too high and

completely misguided I don't want my

one-year-old not to touch that things

because he's afraid of me or afraid of

pain I want him not to touch certain

things because they're dangerous for him

or inappropriate and so it is my job as

a parent to remove those things from his

reach 1 year olds need to explore climb

touch grab put things in their mouth

smell roll over they need to use their

bodies to learn movement is learning for

them at this stage and that's why the

entire culture of strapping them into a

bouncy seat for hours or into some

kind of exersaucer that they are kind of

put in and they can't get out of is not

developmentally appropriate in most

cases at least not for any length of

time their job is to explore and our job

is to keep them safe it's that simple

rather than manipulating your child

learn to manipulate the environment the

very word discipline is from the word

disciple ie student it's about learning

well what do we want our 1 year olds to

learn do we want them to learn that the

world is a dangerous place that they'll

be hurt and yelled at by the caregivers

and their attachment figures in their


if they do certain arbitrary things or

do we want them to learn that they will

be protected and be put in a safe space

where their caregivers watch over them

and make sure that they are free to

explore and to develop in the way that

nature intended personally I believe

that the longer and deeper a child feels

safe and that they are in a safe

relationship and a safe environment the

better equipped they will be in

adulthood or as they mature to deal with

things that are not safe in other words

when children learn that everything's

dangerous like I'll get hit if I leave

my blanket they live with a perpetual

sense of fear about how the world works

they don't ever have that safe haven

that safe space in that safe

relationship so that they can go from

there with confidence into the world and

take reasonable risks they don't learn

to assess those things themselves or get

real feedback from the wall because it's

all been manipulated to continuously

give them doses and hits of cortisol and

PHA in their brains I think we need to

go the opposite route to create an

environment where children themselves

feel empowered feel safe feel that their

interest their needs their urges that is

are supported by the people who love

them so please do not think of

disciplining a one-year-old who's doing

exactly what they need to be doing look

any kind of fear-based discipline has

some serious drawbacks number one it

makes your relationship based on fear

ask yourself how does introducing fear

between you and your baby help support

the secure attachment between you if

you're not sure how to answer this

ask yourself Howard introducing fear

between you and your partner helps

support the secure attachment between

you if you were afraid that when you did

the wrong thing or spent too much money

your partner would punish you or hurt

you would that help you feel closer and

safer with that person hmm number two is

it might not even work you could be

slapping a baby yelling at a baby

shouting no and they might still do

those things that are unsafe they might

still go to the cable cords or to the TV

or to the glass on the table and so now

you've taken the route of discipline but

you still haven't kept your baby safe

but you are responsible for your child's


so using fear doesn't guarantee that

they stay safe number three it's likely

to create pushback a child who is

constantly restricted in that

exploration is likely to respond in one

of two ways the first is to push back to

become extra rebellious to seek risk at

ever greater costs especially as they go

into toddlerhood and become a little bit

more physically able to they might not

be able to assess risk properly and they

might actually seek out ways to push the

boundaries further and to finally claim

that freedom and liberation and

independence that they've been trying to

gain number four is the opposite

pushback might happen where a child

might retreat and become even more

I'm afraid of the world around them if

we keep using fear and try to discipline

a one-year-old then they are going to

get the message that the world is in

fact a dangerous place that they

shouldn't try for whatever it is to walk

to run to jump to go on the monkey bars

because the adults in their lives have

shown them that the world is dangerous

and that they will be punished even

through the relationship itself if they

push themselves a little further and try

to explore but finally and worst of all

is the fact we've already established

which is that it doesn't respect his

developmental need to explore so what

can you do instead instead you can

create a yes space you can baby-proof

you can create an environment at home

that supports his development you can

put things away that are dangerous for

him and make a space that if you had to

you could go and take a shower and

completely not be there to watch him and

he would still be safe the idea of a yes

space is to liberate both parent and

child from constantly saying no and

controlling each other now there is

absolutely nothing wrong with saying no

from time to time and setting limits in

that way it's fine and it's necessary

but for the most part we want our lives

to be yes life and if you want more on

this watch my video on how to turn your

no into a yes and why that's so

important and if you want more on how to

create a yes space I have created a free

PDF download for you with ten steps to

creating an excellent blessed space for

your young baby or even your toddler

having a guest space creates a great

opportunity for

baby to really respect their independent

exploration and their independent play

now there are several things I recommend

having in this yes space so I highly

recommend that you go and download that

PDF to really work through a cross a

beautiful yes space that serves your

baby's developmental needs and also

you'll find that it will serve you so

well it's so liberating to know that you

could put your baby somewhere and that

they'll be safe you can go and do some

cooking some laundry a shower

read a book whatever it is do not be all

over them like white on rice you can get

that absolutely free by clicking the

link below and I would love to see

pictures of your yet space so to share

them with me in our Facebook group love

parenting with a fatality

I also recommend watching my video about

Rai Rai is a philosophy about how to

care for babies that was developed by

Magda Garber and that is where the yes

space contact comes from and a lot of

other great insights on respecting a

young baby's development and their me

now I just want to say to all the baby

mama out there now is the time to

cultivate a deep sense of independent

play in your child I hear from parents

all the time with slightly older

children how much they wish they have

started this approach earlier if you

start supporting a safe space an

independent play in your one-year-old at

this stage you will reap the benefits

and so will your child for years to come

if you want to learn more about how to

support these immersive imaginary

independent play even from the youngest

of ages first of all you can check out

my free video on how to encourage

independent play how to get your kid to

play alone and also I only invite you

over to check out present play which is

an online community center and very

extensive library of videos and


not to mention the actual community

aspect which brings packs with all over

the world together to prioritize play

and our children it's not impossible to

get on that bandwagon later but it does

become a little bit harder

once that habits are changed keep on

loving parenting and parenting from love

because your kids need you almost as

much as you can if you're looking for a

supportive community of like-minded

parents I warmly invite you to join our

love parenting with Avatar Facebook

group plus head on over to the parenting

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guide ten easy steps to transform your

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