How Long Should You Wait before Getting Intimate in a New Relationship?

- Hello, so, I'm currently single,

and the last guy that I dated, after a few weeks of dating,

he invited me to go on this really exotic vacation

- [Vivica] Mmm.

- That he paid for.

- Okay.

- But up until this point, we hadn't had sex yet.

I like to wait a little bit,

- [Vivica] As you should.

- Wait for the chemistry, and all that,

so we went on this exotic vacation,

and it was amazing, chemistry was there,

obviously we ended up having sex,

and then when we got back from this trip,

things just kind of started to fizzle out.

- [Vivica] Hmm.

- So, my question is, how long are we supposed to wait,

I feel like if we do wait,

- Mhmm.

- You can get burned,

- Right.

- And you're investing a lot of time and emotions in too,

and you get hurt, but if you,

- So your question is, when you're dating someone,

how long should you wait before you have sex?

- Exactly.

- Huh, fellas?

- I don't know, I feel like it's better

to find out sooner than later, you know,

I think you got your answer,

(audience laughing)

But you know, I've been hit with

the three date rule before, and you know,

I think guys should respect it, like if, you know,

you want to wait it out, like, that's totally cool,

but um, man, I don't know, I feel like if we're

trying to do this thing, like,

let's figure it out now.



- See, I'm different, I like building

the anticipation a little bit.

Uh, it makes, building up that tension a little bit,

uh, and plus, if he's being a little bit

impatient in that department,

if he's prioritizing the sex over the relationship,

then I don't think he's the guy for you.

(audience applauding)

- You had a good time,

- [Samantha] Yeah.

- You just went with your gut feeling,

- Of course.

- Right, and I don't like putting numbers on things.

It's not like, oh, three months, six days,

six months, like, no, you felt it,

you did it, you're a grown woman,

and now it's just up to you guys

to try to build the relationship, right,

because you can't go back on it.

- [Samantha] No.

- You already gave it up, so, you know.

(audience laughing)

- All right, let me hear from the ladies. What say you?

- I say, I disagree, you got to wait six days,

12 hours, 32 seconds.

(laughing and clapping)

No, I'm going with Alex,

You know when that moment is,

if it's after that first date,

if it's after the third date, if it takes five dates,

you'll know, it's a stupid question, you know,

you knew when the right time was,

because you let him have it, right?

- [Alex] Right. That means,

- I always tell women, until you feel like

it's not going to effect how you respond after,

you shouldn't do it,

- [Samantha] Okay.

- Because otherwise,

you start acting clingy, you start

doing that stage five clinger stuff,

and that pushes the guys away.

So you got to be secure, that no matter what

happens from here, I'm good with it,

and whether that's after the first date,

or a year, that's up to you.

- But wait a minute, you just dropped a new one on me.

Stage fling clinging stuff?

- Yeah, you guys know what I'm talking about,

stage five clinger, come on Corey.

- Stage five clingers are someone that like,

you can't get rid of, like they keep coming back

and like, you know, just, like

- [Judy] How's it going, how's it going,

when are we going out again, how's it going?

- They might crawl through your window

one night, you just never know

what to do with it, you know.

- I've got a question above you guys,

is that a, is that a new word?

- That's in the Urban Dictionary, it should be.

- [Corey] It's not a new word.

- Stage five clinger.

- Stage five clinger's been around for a long time.

- [Alex] I know right, I'm out of the loop!

- Also joining us from LEVEL Connections,

an exclusive matchmaking and consulting firm,

it's dating and relationship coach, April Beyer.

April, what advice do you have for Samantha?

(audience clapping)

- Well Samantha, the thing I see that women do,

the biggest mistake women make is they think

the sex killed it.

If a relationship happens, whether the sex happens

early on or later on, and it fizzles,

don't think that by default it was the sex that ended it.

The connection wasn't there, the foundation wasn't there.

So, what you need to do, is ask yourself,

what do I need to feel before I have sex with somebody?

So if your word is, hey, I want to feel safe with someone,

you could feel safe after one date,

you could feel safe after 20 dates,

it's up to you to know how you feel about you,

before you have sex with somebody. Yeah.

- All right, thank you Samantha.

- Thank you.

- All right, and you know what, you fine,

maybe you and Corey need to uh, you know,

exchange numbers, you know.

- Hey, red's my favorite color, just saying.

- Ohh! Uh oh! We've got some matchmaking

going on here today on Face the Truth,

I'll make sure that happens, okay.