How to get someone to start a conversation with you

in this video I'm gonna teach you how to

make the other person start the

conversation first I'm Chris Hollywood

from the ACE formula welcome love this

question however want to clarify some

ambiguities about it before we get into

some techniques one getting the purr of

a person to start the conversation first

if you're in an online dating app kind

of scenario is a complete no no don't do

that there are some subtle things you

can do in creating your profile to maybe

make that a little bit more likely but

just it's a no so first and foremost I

want to say that everything I'm about to

teach you is presuming that you are in

the same physical space with a person

essentially in a face-to-face

interaction if you're on a dating app

just the answer is no you should start

the conversation lead the conversation

in this formula we teach you how to do

that in a very consistent and reliable

way that pretty much always gets results

secondly in a nice formula particularly

in my section that I coach which is a

for abundance I go over ways to make you

starting the conversation very easy so

once again I want to be clear that this

is a cool technique to learn but it's

something more of an advanced technique

and it shouldn't be your bread and

butter you should be able to start a

conversation with absolutely anyone what

I always tell the students that I speak

with every week on the ACE formula is

that my job is to teach you how to make

friends rapidly with strangers that's

fundamentally the root and the core of

my abundance training making friends

rapidly with strangers

which means you're starting a lot of

conversations but we teach you how to

make it really easy really low pressure

and really smooth and natural now given

those caveats I'm going to teach you

some advanced techniques to make the

other person to start the conversation

first so number one is to speak their

thoughts this is how you do that first

it comes from observing one of the most

important social skills you can learn is

to observe other people and empathize

with what they're going through

a great exercise is just to sit in a

coffee shop or train station and watch

people walk by just be a people watcher

and observe them if you can observe

people and then start to empathize what

they might be thinking what they might

be feeling what's going on in their head

right now and then you actually spoke to

that internal monologue they will open

up and immediately start a conversation

and continue because they were talking

to themselves because that was really

the only person that wanted to listen to

whatever it was they were talking about

and then you just spoke because you

observed something interesting or

relevant to them and demonstrated that

you were thinking or observing the same

thing that they were thinking about that

person will immediately start a

conversation with you talking about that

thing that was going on the net hey cuz

now they got a friend someone what a

commonality who sees the same observable

thing or experience that they're going

through now they have someone to share

that with so they're gonna start a

conversation with you about that thing

it's gonna be super easy it might be

tough to cut them off

see how I'm having trouble not talking

about this because I love to talk about

this precise topic social interactions

that's why I'm a coach for the ACE

formula so that's the idea speaking

their thoughts if you can observe what

someone is thinking in their head and

then speak to that at that time they

will immediately start a conversation

with you

so the second technique to get the other

person to start the conversation and

this obviously should and can be

combined with number two is to be seen

and perceived as being friendly and safe

this is really important and it's core

to a lot of the social training that we

teach in the ACE formula if you can be

seen as friendly and safe and a relaxed

person people are gonna feel comfortable

starting a conversation with you one of

the best ways to do that is by starting

a conversation with somebody else

somebody passing by again let's say for

example that you're at a bar having a

friendly banter with the bartender is

gonna make someone sitting next to you

more likely to start a conversation with

you because it just shows that you're a

friendly person you're a safe person and

you're gaining some social proof to

demonstrate hey it's cool to talk to

that person that person

nice friendly they're not gonna bite my

head off they're not gonna be mean to me

if people can observe hey you were being

friendly to somebody else that goes a

long way

now the third technique to get someone

else to start the conversation is to

demonstrate something of interest to

that person now this is tricky right you

can't necessarily get a particular

person and force a conversation with you

with this technique but what it does is

it opens you up to having a number of

people start conversations with you so

for example wearing say a t-shirt from a

particular band or a concert right

wearing that in a place where people who

might like that music are gonna be or

anywhere quite frankly you're likely get

approached and people saying hey love

your t-shirt that's my favorite band too

right there's a lot of different things

that you can do one of my favorite

examples of this is sports teams

especially in places where that team

doesn't play so here's an example from

my own life I lived in London for a long

time and supported the English football

team soccer - Americans Arsenal so when

I'm in New York City wearing my Arsenal

Jersey or an Arsenal scarf and somebody

sees that again it's a london-based

soccer team in New York people comment

on it so anyone who knows what that is

and sometimes even people who support

Arsenal's rivals will also comment on it

in a friendly teasing way right because

they have they see some commonality and

I've demonstrated a commonality that I

am a fan of British soccer English

football so using your clothing in a

variety of ways to demonstrate some of

your commonalities something that I also

like to do when I'm working out on the

park is where my Krav Maga t-shirt other

people in the park who also do Krav Maga

will often come and saying oh I train

there on Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm like

oh that's why I never see you I always

train there on Monday

and Wednesdays right or I go to this

other Krav Maga gym oh I used to

practice these are ways that people will

be encouraged and welcomed to start a

conversation with you as we teach in the

ACE formula the best way for you to

learn how to start a conversation and

keep it going

is to find commonalities that's a key

element that you'll notice I speak of a

lot is identifying commonalities with

other people to help build friendships

and start conversations and keep them

going by displaying those things and

those interests and hobbies that you

have on your body with your clothes

some people even may do it with a tattoo

you're giving people an easy window into

making commonalities with you because

you're signalling to them things that

they can talk to you about very easily

and what they can start a conversation

with you about

now obviously combining all three of

those tactics is really the winning

formula so if you can combine having

commonalities that people can see on you

demonstrating that you are friendly and

safe by speaking to other people and

then also speaking that someone's

thoughts not necessarily to them but to

somebody else which also demonstrates

you're friendly that is gonna make it

really easy for someone to start a

conversation with you so for example if

I'm at a bar I'll speak to the bartender

about something that I observed so one

I've observed something that they can

see and I'm speaking their thoughts but

I'm not speaking um I'm speaking it to

the bartender person sitting next to me

can see that I'm friendly and and I'm

safe and then three they can see that

hey I have an arsenal Jersey that's a

topic that we can have a conversation

about I hope that's helpful I'm Chris

all the way from nice formula talk to

you guys soon