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Win Someone Over In 5 Seconds: Conversation Tricks - Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy

one of my new year's resolutions was to

make more effort in conversation being a

great conversationalist is a sort of

elusive concept many people want to be

great in conversation but it seems vague

when we think about how to do it I want

to get specific with a few really

granular techniques today and I have

three of them technique number one is

the suspense opener now one of the big

mistakes many of us making conversation

is when we first meet someone and they

tell us what they do we rush into

whatever we're going to say next they

say I'm an account and you go oh okay

cool so do you do it in this part of

town bla bla bla and we keep speaking

what we don't realize is that we haven't

captivated them with our speech if we

want someone to listen and engage with

us we have to captivate them now this

technique the suspense opener allows you

to do that here's what you do somebody

tells you what they do you then say so

let me ask you this and then you pause

another variation would be okay I have a

question for you the pause afterwards is

a pregnant pause because they're waiting

now for what's coming next you're

building suspense there's no way they're

zoning out at that point because you've

captivated them the other benefit of

this is that whilst you're pausing

you're also generating your own thoughts

you're allowing your questions to form

so this both captivates the other person

and creates suspense and it gives you

time to think about what your question

is going to be it's a nice little trick

technique number two is the teasing

compliment now I'm gonna break this down

with an example because it's slightly

nuanced but I think you're going to love

this jamison has a friend called Tim who

he is always speaking really highly of

this is the famous Tim but I've never

met him right so I'm about to meet Tim

soon right Jamison like in two weeks

we're all going on a trip together what

could I say to Tim as our conversational

starter well I could say hi I'm Matt

good to meet you Tim heard a lot about

you I could amp that up a level by

complimenting Tim and saying hey Tim

Jamison speaks so highly of you

that's very authentic it's very lovely

it's better than what most people would

do now if I wanted to take it a level

above that maybe even get a bit playful

with it at the same time Tim how much

are you paying Jamison to say this many

nice things about you

you're not even here I'm taking

something that's actually it's a nice

thing about Tim is complimenting him but

at the same time teasing him right now

is always putting him on the back foot a

little there I'm like owning this frame

but it's fun it's a playful interaction

technique number three in conversation

make somebody else the expert now look

we're all good at certain things but

whenever we're in a group dynamic other

people have skill sets and talents and

experience that we don't and it's always

worth giving people credit for what they

know that we don't or what they might

know that we don't let's say someone

says they're our management consultant

and you have no idea what that is

be authentic about letting them be the

expert and tell you you don't have to

make out like you know everything a

management consultant does they go I'm a

management consulting you go okay

interesting interesting so how long have

you been doing that for as if you know

if you have no idea what that is

say it earnestly and honestly say to

them you know what I have friends who

are management consultants I never quite

know what they mean by that you have you

have to tell me what what is it a

management consultant actually does you

make them the expert because you're

allowing them to be the mouthpiece for

management consultants everywhere and

they're going to kind of enjoy that it

also gives you points when you're honest

about what you don't know when you could

admit I know nothing about this but I'd

love you to teach me that builds

people's egos and it allows you to

actually stay connected to what they're

saying instead of pretending you're

connected to what they're saying when

you really don't know anything they're

talking about and believe me people are

better at picking up on that then we

think they are now if you're like me you

love this kind of breakdown of human

dynamics and if you do you probably

right now want to get more of this kind

of content well I have something amazing

for you that's completely free I went on

a radio show last year called Elvis

Duran this show is one of the biggest

radio shows in the United States when I

did this show I was able to walk in and

use a vast range of different techniques

for charisma conversation and confidence

that allowed me to completely control

the dynamic in that room my brother was

listening to this show from London and

decided to document the techniques that

I used when I did it and these are

things I've been working on

for years so I never had it documented

in that way it made me feel very very

naked and then he called me and he said

I want to release this to the world

I agreed because I thought you know what

we've never done anything like this

before I want people to read it and when

we released it people went crazy because

it was like the secret sauce that no one

else was actually talking about you know

when you see someone with charisma or

confidence and you go how do they do

that and they never really tell you they

just say oh I'm just myself [ __ ]

there are things they do consciously or

unconsciously

that make them the most powerful person

in that room so this document that my

brother created is 100% free you won't

pay a penny for it and you can download

it right now it's called the first five

because it's about dominating the first

five minutes of any interaction whether

it's a dinner party whether it's a board

meeting whether it's a sales pitch

whether it's a YouTube video or whether

it's just conversation with your friends

or someone you're attracted to it allows

you to master the first five minutes of

the interaction all you need to do to

get it is go to how to get the guide

calm forward-slash behind the curtain

you can also follow the link James and

Liz link up at the end of this video and

in the description click the link go and

download it right now and you can be

mastering the first five minutes today

you