start

DATING AGAIN – Are you ready to date again? Being single , relationship + breakup advice.

if you're thinking of putting yourself

back out there maybe you've gotten over

the X or you're ready to test the waters

and date again then you'll want to watch

this video because in this video I

actually help you work out are you even

ready to date

are you dating for the right reasons and

from the right mindset so that you can

actually get the progress in your love

life that you want

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

hi everyone welcome back to my room my

cello my life I Renee slansky I'm a

professional dating and relationship

coach and I help women break toxic

cycles and build the relationship that

they desire and deserve just because we

have a desire to meet someone and to

date doesn't necessarily mean that we

should a lot of the times we act on our

feelings without first assessing where

is this feeling coming from is it

healthy and is it something that I

should actually be doing this action for

and so what I see is people go oh I want

a date so I'm going to put myself back

out there and then if they don't ask

themselves these questions or do what

I'm about to tell you to do they find

themselves basically hating the process

getting hurt falling for the wrong

person or being exhausted by the whole

process and I have done another video

here on dating exhaustion and burnout

and how to handle that

so let's first make sure that you're

ready today and what you need to do with

these five things the first one is this

dating mindset now if you've watched any

of my trainings or if you've worked with

me you'll know that I talked about your

dating mindset because your mindset is

basically where you make your decisions

from and our decisions result in who we

engage with and what we do with that

person this is only over two reasons why

we suck in love and that is we're either

doing the wrong thing or were dating the

wrong person and if you're just throwing

yourself out there you're just like I

want a date I'm just going to go date

and you don't have any intention you

don't have any purpose you don't have

any strategy and you're doing it from a

place of fear whether it's fear of

missing out in love or fear that you're

never going to get over the ex or fear

that you're not going to have children

or fear that you're going to die alone

with 52 cats then you will attract

feedback or you will attract the result

that will solidify that fear and that's

something that's actually called self

prophesy our self prophesying I don't

know if I'm saying that right but um

it's basically where we become so

focused on this terror it hasn't even

happened this fear that we then go and

act out of that fear and then we make

reality it's like people who are always

scared that they're going to date

someone that's never going to commit to

them and leave them because maybe they

had a father that abandoned them and

then they end up dating all these men

that do leave them and don't commit to

them and again it solidifies that

conviction that all men are like that

and that's how love is and love hurts

and it just becomes it's really sort of

toxic cycle so you're dating mindset is

really really important so what I would

do is I do a little bit of a self audit

and I ask yourself why do I want to date

and what do I want to get out of this

dating process am i dating just because

I want a casual fling am i dating to

find love am i dating because I'm bored

what are your intentions behind it okay

before I jump into point number two

don't forget to subscribe give me a big

thumbs up and drop a thanks for an egg

down below if this video is helping you

okay the next thing to do is take it

slow throwing yourself into the deep end

this isn't really going to do you any

justice it's just going to make you

freak out and if you go to an extreme

you're always going to get an extreme

reaction if you just go all into your

next relationship when you know that

you're probably not ready and you love

bond that person or you move too fast

and too soon which I've actually done a

video on here then you're going to like

not have a positive result obviously so

what I would do is I would just test the

waters a little bit definitely there'll

be some clear indications if you're not

ready to date one of those clear

indications will be comparison are you

constantly comparing your ex to the

person that you're dating are you

finding that at the end of the day you

go back home and all you think about is

your ex and then you're over

romanticizing what you had with them

even though it obviously ended for a

razor so comparisons a big one the

second one is fear and anxiety do you

have fear about dating do you have

anxiety when it comes to going on dates

now we all get a little bit nervous and

if we're you know putting ourselves out

there for the first time in a long time

then of course you have a little bit of

anxiety but if you are literally

paralyzed about the thought of meeting

someone else or the thought of falling

in love or the thought of getting hurt

or the thought of dating then you

probably need to do

little bit more healing before you

actually go out there and date because

you have to remember it's not just about

you

you're also affecting the person that

you are dating and you don't want to go

around hurting other people because

you're hurting yourself

another thing is ghosting if you're

ghosting your dates or benching your

dates as in like kind of putting a

little investment in but not really a

lot because you're too scared then you

probably shouldn't be dating any sort of

behavior that not that is not in a line

with the healthy behavior that needs to

happen to progress a date is an

indication that you shouldn't be dating

and another way to test the waters is

low investment if you are finding that

you're going on dates but you're just

not making the effort and you're kind of

just like going but you've got low

energy you're not really engaging in

conversation and you they like pursuing

you pursuing you and you're just not

really reciprocating or getting anything

back that means that you're doing low

investment into that person and low

investment is an indication that you're

not really in it for the right reasons

and it's obviously being reflected

through your actions for example I

remember when I went through a phase of

like dating fatigue I was in my early

20s and this guy asked me out for a date

and I was like yeah okay cool I'll meet

you up the road one of the the local

kind of pubs I turned up in my tracksuit

pants look I haven't had some fine

moments I will be honest you know become

good at doing something by just

naturally being amazed you know that

sometimes you got to go through all the

crap to realize okay don't do this well

he came fully dressed up looking new but

he put in effort I rocked up in my

tracksuit pants no makeup on didn't even

like care at all and it was actually

disrespectful to him I just shouldn't

have gone on the date in the first place

because clearly I didn't want to be

there I wasn't putting any effort in I

obviously have said yes because I felt

obligated to because I was like whatever

and it was coming from the wrong sort of

intention I own that okay so don't go

and start sending me hate messages and I

don't want you guys to do the same thing

while you guys to do the same thing as I

was saying before if you're affecting

other people so if you're finding that

you're putting low investment in this

area chances are you're not actually

ready today it means take a little bit

more time out okay

number three get clear on the why as I

was saying at the beginning of this

video why do you want to date do you

want to date because you are trying to

move on from the ex and you think that

if you date somebody else you will

eventually just forget about him are you

dating because everyone else is doing it

or because you can because you've got

access to dating apps the clear that you

can get on the why the more than you get

that you will know your intention it'll

help you work out okay am i doing this

for the right reasons or do I actually

need to take a rain check for a little

bit longer okay number four really

important make sure that you're dating

to enhance not heal you know closure is

something that I believe happens in

stages closure needs to be based on

facts not feelings if a relationship

ends obviously it ended for a reason and

waiting till you feel like you're in a

certain position is not a reason to hold

out on closure closure needs to be a

choice but I also believe that healing

and full closure is something that will

happen in stages it's normal to still be

thinking about an exit there will be

part of your life and sometimes meeting

a new person really can help you get

over that ex because you can realize

that hang on a second there's someone

else that makes me feel this way there's

someone else that I can love or have the

possibility of loving and have them love

me back but if you're purely dating to

just try and get over someone rather

than dating to enhance someone else's

life and have them enhance your life

that's a different story you shouldn't

be dating just for distraction you

shouldn't be dating to try and get over

someone who he'll something in your

heart you have to first work on that

baggage and that issue and that hurt

first so that you aren't then dating

from that place of fear and lap which is

just going to cause you to either invest

into the wrong people or hurt someone in

the process okay and lastly number five

make sure that you've subscribed and the

post drop of things for name this video

is helping you when you date and we

putting yourself back out there there is

a difference between guarding your heart

and blocking love God in your heart is

about going okay I'm gonna have certain

standards in place I'm going to pace

myself I'm going to make sure I make

wise decisions and just stead of

emotionally reacting to how I feel and

bla bla bla as opposed to blocking

someone blocking them because you

obviously have this fear of getting hurt

is usually representative in the way

that you don't reciprocate much you set

your expectations so incredibly high

that they can't even achieve them

because they're not even healthy and

then you push people away and you don't

want to date and push people away

because it's obviously that kind of

contradicts the whole point of dating

yet at the same time we don't want to be

so open that you fall for someone that

you don't really know and then you get

hurt know what you should be doing in

each stage because there's different

things that you should be doing in each

stage and if you haven't watched my own

free masterclass I highly recommend that

you do watch it the link for that is

down below it gives you the four shoes

that you need to make in order to be

able to break this cycle and set

yourself up for healthy love I hope that

that helped you um yeah that's it for

now don't forget to check out my free

masterclass and I will see you ladies

next time don't forget to subscribe if

you haven't already drop me a thanks

renamed down below and let me know

are you ready today do you think that

you're ready today and has these tips

helped you and I will see you next time

bye for now

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]