You have no appetite but somehow you can’t stop eating.
You can’t sleep but you can’t get out of bed.
Your sadness is piled as high as the dishes in your sink.
The one person that you’d normally rely on when you feel like this can’t help you
because they dumped you!
But I’m going to tell you a little secret (that you already read in the video title)
that will turn things around for you.
This breakup could be the best thing that ever happened to your relationship.
I promise you, it’ll make sense in just a minute.
Hi, I’m Jessica Boss.
You probably know me from my other videos about how to get back together with your ex.
If this is your first time on my channel, welcome.
I’m a relationship coach and breakup guru.
I specialize in helping people get back together and stay together for good.
The world can be a lonely place and I think that if you’ve found someone you love, you
should do all you can to fight for them.
So, on to the topic at hand.
I know what you’re probably thinking: “Breaking up is what I’m trying to avoid.
How can it be a good thing?”
“You’re crazy Jessica.
You’ve finally lost it.”
I may be crazy but I promise you that it’s true: breaking up can save your relationship,
and I’m going to prove it.
First off, breakups aren’t the end for many relationships.
According to a 2013 study by Kansas State University:
“Given previous research on the risks associated with cycling in adult dating relationships
the frequency with which cyclical dating relationships persist into cohabitation and marriage, the
characteristics of these relationships, and the constraints associated with cycling during
these stages using a nationally representative sample of cohabiting (n = 323) and married
(n = 752) couples.
The takeaway is: One in three couples who live together have
broken up and got back together Nearly half of people aged 17-24 have returned
to an ex after breaking up
I like those odds.
So why do these couples reconcile?
And how can breaking up help you stay together in the long run?
Number One: Breaking up forces you to face your problems
A relationship is like a frog in a pot of hot water.
I know, I know but it makes sense, trust me.
If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will feel pain and jump out immediately.
But put a frog into a pot of room temperature water and then slowly raise the temperature,
the frog won’t notice until it’s cooked and ready to eat.
Some couples just keep sweeping problems under the rug.
This causes tensions to rise slowly until the relationship reaches a crisis.
But a breakup can be the jolt of boiling hot water that will wake you up and make you change
And like that hot little guy, your relationship can escape, charred, but alive, to fight another
Number two: The time apart will make you stronger people
I’m always saying that independence is key to a happy relationship.
Often couples get into trouble, and then break up, because they rely too much on each other
The idea that you NEED your partner to be happy can be really damaging.
This carries with it the silent implication that they’re responsible for your happiness
and if you’re not happy all the time, they’re doing something wrong.
That’s a big burden for you and your partner to take on.
Now that you’re apart, you don’t have anyone to rely on other than yourself.
You’ll be forced to figure out how to be happy on your own, develop your life as one
person rather than one half of a couple, and find your own interests and your own ways
of coping with this shitty thing we call life.
This doesn’t mean growing apart it simply means growing… apart.
When you come back together you’ll have the reassurance that you don’t need them
You’ll know that you’re together because you’re CHOOSING to spend your time with
them because you love and value them as a human being.
This is what strong relationships are built on.
Number three: It gives you distance to see what wasn’t working
It’s not always easy to see what isn’t working in your relationship because you’re
You need some distance to truly get a good sense of what’s wrong.
Think about your past relationships.
I bet you can look back now and see exactly why they didn’t work out.
You didn’t have enough in common, they didn’t treat you right, you wanted different things.
But at the time, everything seemed rosy, right?
This can be the same with your current relationship.
After a few weeks or months apart, you can objectively look at the relationship.
You can see what was good (a lot), and what wasn’t (a few big things) and decide what
needs to be addressed to make the partnership work.
This distance is often enough to give you the perspective you need to turn the relationship
Number Four: It shakes things up
Relationships can get into ruts really easily.
It can actually be worse the closer and more connected you are.
Your lives get super in sync, you do everything together and things are great.
But soon you realize you always seem to do the same things, you’ve drifted apart from
your friends and you’re so entrenched in this routine that it’s hard to even think
of your life before the relationship.
A breakup will shake up your day-to-day in a way that’s going to be uncomfortable but
can be beneficial too.
Maybe you can’t hang out with your usual friends because they took your ex’s side
in the breakup?
Now you can catch up with other friends who you haven’t seen in forever.
Thursday night was date night?
Use that regular time you set aside to take a yoga class, or just hang out alone, eat
doritos, and enjoy some of your newfound freedom.
These are all going to lead to big changes in your life and change is good.
If your relationship suffered because you were both bored, a breakup could be just what
you needed to realize this.
CTA: If you’ve gone through a break up and you’re wondering if your relationship is
worth saving, I have something that can help.
Go to exbackquiz.com and take the free quiz to see if things are beyond hope.
This tool has been carefully crafted and it has helped a lot of people figure out what
their next step is after breaking up.
Number five: It can help you figure out what you want
Relationships can end because one or both of you don’t know what you want.
This kind of confusion causes tension because you don’t know what’s expected of you.
Maybe you weren’t able to rely on them but you were too afraid to talk to them about
it and that caused resentment.
Maybe they smothered you with too much attention.
After you’ve been apart for awhile you’ll be better able to answer these questions:
What do I miss about them?
What do I not miss?
How did they change my life on a daily basis?
What’s something I expected from them that was unreasonable?
Was I fully invested in the relationship?
Did I take enough time for myself?
Did I allow them to have freedom in the relationship?
What’s something I wasn’t willing to do for them?
Should I have?
Answering these questions can help you figure out what you’ll do differently when you
get back together.
Number six: It will show you both how being single sucks
I think we can all agree that the single life is rough.
You’re expected to meet new people, constantly put yourself out there, and put on pants and
leave the house.
And the worst part, after a particularly heinous date, you can’t come home and talk trash
about them to your partner because you don’t have one because you’re single.
You have to just tweet about it and then go to sleep alone.
I know, bleak, but your ex feels the same way.
Sometimes just taking this time apart can make you both realize that you were taking
each other for granted.
You’ll be much happier staying in together than frantically swiping on tinder.
This is why it’s crucial to cut off contact and stop sleeping together during this break.
It may seem harsh but the more you maintain boundaries now, the sooner you’ll be back
Now let’s talk about how to get the most out of your breakup.
First, keep it real with your ex.
You and your ex have broken up so act like it.
Don’t keep hanging around together, calling them on the phone, or even texting.
It might seem like a big step to cut off contact but it’s going to help in the long run.
If they ended things but won’t leave you alone, cutting off contact will make them
realize that this is for real and that they’ll have to take steps to get you back.
Next, make sure to try new things.
What are some things you didn’t or couldn’t do when you were together?
Maybe you always wanted to ride a motorcycle but you knew your ex wouldn’t approve.
Now’s the time.
Maybe you were too busy to get to the gym as often as you’d like when you were together.
This could be your chance to do that triathlon you’ve always wanted.
Maybe you wanted to travel the world but they couldn’t take time off work.
Get out there!
Think of the things you’ve always wanted to do and now that you have more free time,
Date New People
Dating may be the last thing you want to do right now.
That’s okay, there’s no rush.
But don’t wait too long.
Dating someone new will give you a chance to practice dating again, get some confidence
and relight that romantic spark that may have been missing towards the end of your relationship.
Plus, it doesn’t hurt that it will make your ex super jealous.
Breaking up means you’ve got more time on your hands now.
This time can either hurt you or it can help you.
You need to take your time to get over the breakup but don’t spend all your time wallowing
If they wanted to end things before, are they going to want you back now that you spend
all day on the couch, elbow deep in a pizza?
This time is a gift.
Take stock of your life.
Ask yourself “How could it be better?” and then take action.
This could mean getting healthy, going to therapy, spending more time with your family,
or taking on more responsibility at work.
If you set goals and throw yourself into them, pretty soon you won’t be thinking about
And seeing you go for your dreams will impress your ex and make them wonder why they broke
up with you in the first place.
Real Talk: whether you got dumped, broke up with them, and even if you’re just taking
a break from the relationship, don’t waste your time pining for them.
Sure you miss them.
Sure, you feel horrible and you’re going to do everything in your power to fix this
but this time apart is happening whether you like it or not so you need to get something
out of it.
If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for them.
The more you make the most of this time the better partner you’ll be when you’re back
Alright, thanks for watching YouTube.
Breakups are hard but now you know how to make the most of it.
If you’ve got any more questions about how to bounce back from your breakup, please comment
below and I’ll do my best to help you.
Also, if you haven’t already, subscribe to my channel.
I have a lot of great new videos planned for you guys that you won’t want to miss.
I’ve been Jessica Boss.