start

New relationship after divorce

hi it's mark here from mark my words

where we help people fast track a

comeback from a

serious life setback if this is your

first time on this channel

consider subscribing to it that way when

we create a new video

you'll be up to date with all that's

happening here on mark my words

so today's video is all about some tips

and keys

around minimizing the risk of the second

relationship long-term serious

commitment relationship

going south you if you found this

channel

chances are you have been

through a marriage or relationship

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setback

i supported myself after my first

marriage that i would never get

remarried again

i don't know what i was going to do

become a

uh a priest a buddhist monk i don't know

but

i was gonna swear to celibacy i thought

anyway

but then i met someone and she changed

my life and been married now six years

uh it's been awesome if you've ever had

a setback you know it can be painful

and the whole purpose of this channel is

to help you navigate

a comeback so that you can

be completely set free from that setback

and

rebuild greater than you ever

thought possible now you know

what are some of the things you look for

in a future

relationship and i'm talking to you guys

and i'm also talking to you girls as

well this is not a guy thing necessarily

because i think the principles here work

for both

but how do you think about an approach

taking the emotion away from everything

when it comes to

dating and when it comes to

potentially entering into a new

relationship with someone

what do you look for how do you protect

yourself

and minimize the risk of

the second long-term commitment

relationship potentially even marriage

not working i mean how do you how do you

how do you minimize that risk

it's a good question and i don't know if

i have all the answers around it but i

think i've got a couple of

ways of thinking that i think can that i

believe can help you

minimize the risk so what are they

well it i think there's in life in your

life you've got

some key areas of your life which are

really important

obviously you know your family life is

very important

your financial life is important your

physical life is important your

well-being

also your faith life if you have one now

if you don't have a faith

that's cool if you do have a faith

that's cool

but for those who do it's a very

important part of their life

and so if that's you then that's an

important part and a consideration

when it comes to the next relationship

and of course the last f

out of the five is your fun life

you know what you do to have fun fun's

an important element

of life and so let's talk about them i

want to put them on the whiteboard if

you don't mind just so we can

perhaps make some notes that you can

follow along with so

we talk about the first one being your

faith life

if that's relevant for you the next one

is your

fitness and these aren't in any

order of priority necessarily for this

exercise

but fitness is really important because

you know there's plenty of guys that

have got

everything and i say guys that's a

generic term right

there are plenty of people that have

everything financially

they've even got great family

they've even got a faith life but

if you don't have fitness and you're not

healthy physically

it's really hard to exercise any great

satisfaction out of any of the others

because you're so restricted by

your physical incapacity so that's an

important one

your fitness life family obviously

you know your family is really important

for so many people

and i know for you looking at this video

today you know your

your family possibly is

not the way it used to be you know i had

20 years married three children and

then had a divorce a breakdown a very

challenging tough time

emotionally physically spiritually

mentally every area of my life was

challenged

and and primarily because the three

little kids that i had involved

with that previous relationship were

meant the world to me

they were just the absolute love of my

life and you understand and relate to

that if you've got children

so it was because of their grief and the

disruption in their life

and mine obviously that caused me the

most angst

when it came to my family life

so i believe i've got some content here

that can help you when it comes to

that next relationship if you do have

children so so the next one is finance

right so

finance being an important part

of life now money doesn't buy happiness

but the lack of money affects your

happiness right so

you know obviously you know to live at

any kind of quality of life having a

roof over your head having the lights

turned on the power turned on the

house warmer in the winter and cooler in

the summer and

you know money takes money yeah plus

food takes money and it hurts when

you're hungry if you haven't got it

right so

it's an important part of life to

consider and

as i said fun is important as well so

faith fitness family finance and fun now

what are your values the question for

you today is what are your values in

each of these key areas

because they are big rocks in your life

what i call big rocks you know

the big areas of life

in most other areas of your life your

day-to-day concerns and challenges

fit within one or more of these five key

areas

but when it comes to a new relationship

you know if you're considering dating

someone and and a long-term relationship

with someone who

fundamentally has different values to

you

in one or more of these key areas of

life

it can potentially increase the risk of

that relationship not working simply

because

for a relationship to thrive you need to

have

unity and a unity where there is unity

in a relationship that tends to be a

flow

a much easier flow there is nothing that

guarantees a 100

success rate in any relationship it

takes a lot of work

but to be being aligned around similar

values

which creates unity helps reduce

the risk of the second relationship long

term

not working out or let me put it this

way

it increases the chances of the second

that second long term or third long term

or whatever number you're up to after

your first one

it increases the chances of that

relationship thriving not just surviving

when there is unity and alignment around

similar values in each of these key

areas of life

so for example let's start off with you

the first one which is your faith life

now if you don't have a faith that's

cool

if you do have that's cool but if you do

have a faith life

or you don't have is the person that

you're considering dating and having a

long-term relationship with

on the same page or at least accepting

of

your faith life or lack of it because

you know you think well is that

important

when when you're courting no it's not in

fact you might not

in those early days of courting in a new

relationship you may not even discuss

your faith life

that's normal right but ultimately it

will come out in the wash over time if

you do have one and it'll come out in

the wash over time if you don't

and if you don't have one and your

partner doesn't have one

then that's cool if you do have one and

they don't have one

then that can potentially be an issue or

a point of conflict for you right

if they do have one and you don't have

one again a potential point of conflict

so what we're trying to do here is

minimize the potential points of

conflict in the big areas of life

to ensure a unified alignment around

these key values

to minimize the risk of the second

relationship or whatever number you're

up to in relationships

not working out so fitness

you know do you have a fitness passion

or not you know do you have

whatever your values are around your

fitness

you know i i personally i love to stay

fit

healthy and i have you know in my

life my wife kate loves to stay fit as

well

and the reason we do is we have a little

child a new baby uh well i say she's new

baby she's 19 months old now

who we think in terms of what's best for

her long term

and so kate and i want to be in a place

where we are physically able

to live a maximized life

with her you know and obviously you know

in my situation being

a second marriage um and i've got three

grown-up children as well so i'm

in a bit of a unique situation where my

oldest child is

my son who's 25 and my youngest one

is 19 months so i've got a big spectrum

there and also got a granddaughter as

well who's

three almost four years of age so i've

got lots of reasons

to stay healthy but what are your

reasons to stay healthy and

is the person you're considering dating

on the same page and dancing

or singing from the same hymn book so to

speak around those key areas in your

fitness life

family what do you believe in family

what what do you

what do you what are your values when it

comes to family

and does the person you're considering

having a long-term relationship with

have

values that are similar

right because if you are polar opposites

when it comes to family values

again it doesn't matter that much when

you are initially dating

but the chances of a long-term thriving

relationship that's unified and aligned

around those values

really important to have that

conversation with that person eventually

around family values before you commit

that long term right

finance exactly the same you know do you

have um

you know what are your values around

money

do you have a budget

do does your partner believe in budgets

or does your partner

have a totally different attitude

towards money

again not a big deal when you are

initially dating

but eventually once the relationship

starts to

get a momentum you would want to have

some

similar values that you can align to and

be unified around

when it comes to finance because it is a

big rock in our life

and fun what do you like to do for fun

because you've got to have fun in your

life right

now you know what what are your

interests

and what are her interests or what are

his interests

and can you find some some similar

interests that you love to do

together because again you know so much

of life is spent together

and it's just so much more enjoyable

when you've got

an adventure you can go on together

around interests that you love do you

love hiking do you love mountain biking

do you love being in the great outdoors

do you love reading or going to the

library or going to the opera or going

to

the theater whatever those interests are

that you have what sporting interest do

you have

are they similar when it comes to fun

you don't have to have the exact same

interests all the time i mean

it's i think it's healthy for a couple

to have

her interests his interests and have

their interests

right so it's fundamentally we love to

stay

healthy and we love having a lot of the

things we do for fun

are of the same values and the same

interests which

helps it work out so there's a few tips

that i think

if you consider each of these key areas

of life and

know what your values are know what you

stand for because if you don't stand for

something you'll fall for anything

and it just amazes me how so many people

do end up in a relationship with someone

who

is so dissimilar when it comes to the

big areas of life in terms of what they

value as

important so if you are new to this

channel consider subscribing to it as i

said and in the descriptions panel

below you'll find a link to

my 10 bold steps now these are 10 bold

steps that i took

to help me rebuild from my serious life

setback

a number of years ago now i had a

marriage and business collapse and

i put together 10 bold steps these are

10 bold steps that i believe can help

you

fast track your comeback and they are

yours today free

just click on the link i will ask you

for your email address type that into

the panel and

i'll be able then to email those 10 bold

steps straight into your inbox

and you'll have those to refer to i

believe they can help you

so thanks for joining me today i hope

what we've done here is add some value

to your day and to your future

and i know that your best days are ahead

until next time we'll see you on the

next video

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you