When to start a new relationship after divorce
New relationship after divorce
hi it's mark here from mark my words
where we help people fast track a
comeback from a
serious life setback if this is your
first time on this channel
consider subscribing to it that way when
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happening here on mark my words
so today's video is all about some tips
and keys
around minimizing the risk of the second
relationship long-term serious
commitment relationship
going south you if you found this
channel
chances are you have been
through a marriage or relationship
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setback
i supported myself after my first
marriage that i would never get
remarried again
i don't know what i was going to do
become a
uh a priest a buddhist monk i don't know
but
i was gonna swear to celibacy i thought
anyway
but then i met someone and she changed
my life and been married now six years
uh it's been awesome if you've ever had
a setback you know it can be painful
and the whole purpose of this channel is
to help you navigate
a comeback so that you can
be completely set free from that setback
and
rebuild greater than you ever
thought possible now you know
what are some of the things you look for
in a future
relationship and i'm talking to you guys
and i'm also talking to you girls as
well this is not a guy thing necessarily
because i think the principles here work
for both
but how do you think about an approach
taking the emotion away from everything
when it comes to
dating and when it comes to
potentially entering into a new
relationship with someone
what do you look for how do you protect
yourself
and minimize the risk of
the second long-term commitment
relationship potentially even marriage
not working i mean how do you how do you
how do you minimize that risk
it's a good question and i don't know if
i have all the answers around it but i
think i've got a couple of
ways of thinking that i think can that i
believe can help you
minimize the risk so what are they
well it i think there's in life in your
life you've got
some key areas of your life which are
really important
obviously you know your family life is
very important
your financial life is important your
physical life is important your
well-being
also your faith life if you have one now
if you don't have a faith
that's cool if you do have a faith
that's cool
but for those who do it's a very
important part of their life
and so if that's you then that's an
important part and a consideration
when it comes to the next relationship
and of course the last f
out of the five is your fun life
you know what you do to have fun fun's
an important element
of life and so let's talk about them i
want to put them on the whiteboard if
you don't mind just so we can
perhaps make some notes that you can
follow along with so
we talk about the first one being your
faith life
if that's relevant for you the next one
is your
fitness and these aren't in any
order of priority necessarily for this
exercise
but fitness is really important because
you know there's plenty of guys that
have got
everything and i say guys that's a
generic term right
there are plenty of people that have
everything financially
they've even got great family
they've even got a faith life but
if you don't have fitness and you're not
healthy physically
it's really hard to exercise any great
satisfaction out of any of the others
because you're so restricted by
your physical incapacity so that's an
important one
your fitness life family obviously
you know your family is really important
for so many people
and i know for you looking at this video
today you know your
your family possibly is
not the way it used to be you know i had
20 years married three children and
then had a divorce a breakdown a very
challenging tough time
emotionally physically spiritually
mentally every area of my life was
challenged
and and primarily because the three
little kids that i had involved
with that previous relationship were
meant the world to me
they were just the absolute love of my
life and you understand and relate to
that if you've got children
so it was because of their grief and the
disruption in their life
and mine obviously that caused me the
most angst
when it came to my family life
so i believe i've got some content here
that can help you when it comes to
that next relationship if you do have
children so so the next one is finance
right so
finance being an important part
of life now money doesn't buy happiness
but the lack of money affects your
happiness right so
you know obviously you know to live at
any kind of quality of life having a
roof over your head having the lights
turned on the power turned on the
house warmer in the winter and cooler in
the summer and
you know money takes money yeah plus
food takes money and it hurts when
you're hungry if you haven't got it
right so
it's an important part of life to
consider and
as i said fun is important as well so
faith fitness family finance and fun now
what are your values the question for
you today is what are your values in
each of these key areas
because they are big rocks in your life
what i call big rocks you know
the big areas of life
in most other areas of your life your
day-to-day concerns and challenges
fit within one or more of these five key
areas
but when it comes to a new relationship
you know if you're considering dating
someone and and a long-term relationship
with someone who
fundamentally has different values to
you
in one or more of these key areas of
life
it can potentially increase the risk of
that relationship not working simply
because
for a relationship to thrive you need to
have
unity and a unity where there is unity
in a relationship that tends to be a
flow
a much easier flow there is nothing that
guarantees a 100
success rate in any relationship it
takes a lot of work
but to be being aligned around similar
values
which creates unity helps reduce
the risk of the second relationship long
term
not working out or let me put it this
way
it increases the chances of the second
that second long term or third long term
or whatever number you're up to after
your first one
it increases the chances of that
relationship thriving not just surviving
when there is unity and alignment around
similar values in each of these key
areas of life
so for example let's start off with you
the first one which is your faith life
now if you don't have a faith that's
cool
if you do have that's cool but if you do
have a faith life
or you don't have is the person that
you're considering dating and having a
long-term relationship with
on the same page or at least accepting
of
your faith life or lack of it because
you know you think well is that
important
when when you're courting no it's not in
fact you might not
in those early days of courting in a new
relationship you may not even discuss
your faith life
that's normal right but ultimately it
will come out in the wash over time if
you do have one and it'll come out in
the wash over time if you don't
and if you don't have one and your
partner doesn't have one
then that's cool if you do have one and
they don't have one
then that can potentially be an issue or
a point of conflict for you right
if they do have one and you don't have
one again a potential point of conflict
so what we're trying to do here is
minimize the potential points of
conflict in the big areas of life
to ensure a unified alignment around
these key values
to minimize the risk of the second
relationship or whatever number you're
up to in relationships
not working out so fitness
you know do you have a fitness passion
or not you know do you have
whatever your values are around your
fitness
you know i i personally i love to stay
fit
healthy and i have you know in my
life my wife kate loves to stay fit as
well
and the reason we do is we have a little
child a new baby uh well i say she's new
baby she's 19 months old now
who we think in terms of what's best for
her long term
and so kate and i want to be in a place
where we are physically able
to live a maximized life
with her you know and obviously you know
in my situation being
a second marriage um and i've got three
grown-up children as well so i'm
in a bit of a unique situation where my
oldest child is
my son who's 25 and my youngest one
is 19 months so i've got a big spectrum
there and also got a granddaughter as
well who's
three almost four years of age so i've
got lots of reasons
to stay healthy but what are your
reasons to stay healthy and
is the person you're considering dating
on the same page and dancing
or singing from the same hymn book so to
speak around those key areas in your
fitness life
family what do you believe in family
what what do you
what do you what are your values when it
comes to family
and does the person you're considering
having a long-term relationship with
have
values that are similar
right because if you are polar opposites
when it comes to family values
again it doesn't matter that much when
you are initially dating
but the chances of a long-term thriving
relationship that's unified and aligned
around those values
really important to have that
conversation with that person eventually
around family values before you commit
that long term right
finance exactly the same you know do you
have um
you know what are your values around
money
do you have a budget
do does your partner believe in budgets
or does your partner
have a totally different attitude
towards money
again not a big deal when you are
initially dating
but eventually once the relationship
starts to
get a momentum you would want to have
some
similar values that you can align to and
be unified around
when it comes to finance because it is a
big rock in our life
and fun what do you like to do for fun
because you've got to have fun in your
life right
now you know what what are your
interests
and what are her interests or what are
his interests
and can you find some some similar
interests that you love to do
together because again you know so much
of life is spent together
and it's just so much more enjoyable
when you've got
an adventure you can go on together
around interests that you love do you
love hiking do you love mountain biking
do you love being in the great outdoors
do you love reading or going to the
library or going to the opera or going
to
the theater whatever those interests are
that you have what sporting interest do
you have
are they similar when it comes to fun
you don't have to have the exact same
interests all the time i mean
it's i think it's healthy for a couple
to have
her interests his interests and have
their interests
right so it's fundamentally we love to
stay
healthy and we love having a lot of the
things we do for fun
are of the same values and the same
interests which
helps it work out so there's a few tips
that i think
if you consider each of these key areas
of life and
know what your values are know what you
stand for because if you don't stand for
something you'll fall for anything
and it just amazes me how so many people
do end up in a relationship with someone
who
is so dissimilar when it comes to the
big areas of life in terms of what they
value as
important so if you are new to this
channel consider subscribing to it as i
said and in the descriptions panel
below you'll find a link to
my 10 bold steps now these are 10 bold
steps that i took
to help me rebuild from my serious life
setback
a number of years ago now i had a
marriage and business collapse and
i put together 10 bold steps these are
10 bold steps that i believe can help
you
fast track your comeback and they are
yours today free
just click on the link i will ask you
for your email address type that into
the panel and
i'll be able then to email those 10 bold
steps straight into your inbox
and you'll have those to refer to i
believe they can help you
so thanks for joining me today i hope
what we've done here is add some value
to your day and to your future
and i know that your best days are ahead
until next time we'll see you on the
next video
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