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What’s the Most Real Relationship Advice You Can Give? (Dating Reddit Stories r/AskReddit)

what's the most real relationship advice

you can give learning how to be bored

together as important you don't have to

be on the go doing stuff and planning

stuff and being fun and exciting all the

time it's okay to just sit around and

not do anything and not talk to each

other it's not unhealthy

I promise in an ideal relationship the

contributions are 60-40 we're both

partners are the ones trying to give 60%

my mom asked an elderly couple who had

been married for decades what their

secret was they said that they act as if

being nice to each other is a

competition that has always stuck with

me one don't expect the other person to

be able to read your mind to be a team

not opponents three everybody farts at

some point don't lose yourself as an

individual in a relationship when you

disagree remember that you are the same

team you're supposed to fight a problem

not the other person this is such an

awesome way of putting that concept

always be mindful and thoughtful to that

person's love map like they might need a

quick text every morning when you get to

work letting them know you're safe make

zero sense to you but knowing it's

something small and means the world to

them well why the heck not they might

get stressed out and you're helping to

clean the house for when they've

finished work might mean more to them

than someone else you've been with who

wanted flowers to show love know what it

is that your partner loves and makes

them feel loved too it's fine to not

always want to spend 100% of your time

with your spouse not every moment of

every day is going to be bliss and

sometimes it really takes some effort I

love my wife to bits but there are some

days when I would just like to do things

by myself

it doesn't mean our relationship isn't

great but it can be really refreshing to

just take a stroll around a shopping

center or go and get some food alone

with something this 100 percent my

spouse goes weekly to a pathfinder game

that's his alone time I occasionally go

to a punk show we'll have a beer W my

friends it can be even simpler

I will go read a book in the other room

and get

my alone time he likes to cook so heck

start up in the kitchen and I stay away

while he listens to his music everyone

needs alone time there's a reason it's

called the honeymoon phase and

eventually you won't have as much to

talk about other than how the day went

or might not always feel those

butterflies in your stomach when you

think about them that's when it becomes

a test in the relationship and you both

have to work on it to make it work you

will get into fights but learn to get

over there more I doubt it'll last

resentment can kill feelings for someone

you trade butterflies for familiarity

excitement for comfort listen to them

communicate with them compromise

sometimes duck them regularly to

elaborate on compromise it doesn't

always mean something we are both enjoy

at times it will very likely mean today

we do something my partner likes and

that I sparingly tolerate but tomorrow

that reverses but your spouse isn't

going to be perfect you're not going to

be perfect there will be mistakes and

misunderstandings what really matters in

a relationship is not being perfect but

how you handle the imperfections of

yourself and your spouse in a respectful

reasonable way this is the best comment

here and the ones about communication

guy here this probably sounds simple but

here's what I've learned know yourself

where you're at in life if you are in a

shitstorm legal crap money crap drugs

and alcohol crap legal crap you're

probably not ready for anything serious

clean up your act first be honest no

matter how freaked up crap is if you

want to move forward in a serious way

all the cards got to be on the table

take it slow get to know each other but

in the end no secrets there is some crap

that is nobody's business but I ain't

talking about that know her what she's

been through and what she wants out of

life you both need to be pretty much on

mode you need to be heading for the same

thing kids buy a house or gypsy life

don't matter

keep a sharp eye on things you need to

make sure she's doing okay and let her

know you're doing okay but same with her

to you after that it's just dodging

stupid

soft wisdom here no secrets and be on

board with each other's plan is big

relationships are work they aren't

always fun you won't always be madly in

love and you can't put them on a shelf

and ignore them but they shouldn't be

all work sometimes you have to spend

years with shitty people to realize what

you deserve it was never a waste you

needed the experience to figure out what

works best for you or what to avoid

you'll never forget your exes they were

there for a reason

conversely sometimes you need to spend

years in bad relationships with good

people before you realize that you're

being a shitty person sometimes it's

hard to see and harder to admit intimacy

is way more important than most people

realize like I've told my wife yeah sure

there's lust involved there's also

interest in making your partner feel

good as well if that interest isn't

there your partner might as well be a

sex toy for all they mean to you

you are never obliged to stay in a

relationship doesn't frickin matter what

someone has threatened if you aren't

happy flick em , if you aren't happy

flick em and if that doesn't help leave

em communication is the foundation upon

which everything else is built they say

don't go to bed angry not because anger

does something while you're sleeping but

because it means you didn't communicate

properly and you're giving up on trying

become actively listen do not dismiss

your partner's statements assume good

faith

it's you and me versus the problem not

me versus you if something's bugging you

talk to your so about it if you feel in

rage about something wait until you're

well-fed

well-rested with warm extremities before

talking about it but talk about it at

the first opportunity calmly rationally

and honestly keep the discussion limited

to that one narrow thing if something's

bugging your so hear them out never

think well I'm not bothered by that so

it's not a problem

think my sow is bothered by this and

that's a problem if you think the

concern is unreasonable frame the

discussion is solving the problem of

your so is being unhappy the worst

fights and arguments tap

over trivial things because it's not the

trivial thing that's actually causing

the problem it's probably a series of

things or a general lack of satisfaction

and the toothpaste cap being left off as

just the instigator of the fight if you

communicate often and openly these

things will not Fester

they won't pile up and you won't get

into such fights when someone shows you

who they are believe them if they're

mean if they're vindictive if they use

you if they show you that they don't

really care about you believe them if

they make you feel inadequate on edge

scared nervous unworthy or like a

disappointment believe them if they're

entitled narcissistic sociopathic

manipulative or unfair believe them

life isn't a movie you can fix people

who don't want to be fixed more often

than not they just are who they are so

take off the rose-colored glasses and

stop thinking love will find a way if it

isn't working change it don't spend your

precious time lamenting over a person

who wouldn't genuinely lament over you

this sounds bleak I know but

relationships and love are supposed to

be the most beautiful thing in the

universe if your relationship is not

improving your quality of life on the

aggregate you need to seriously reassess

what you want in life because you

deserve better you only get so much time

to find people in your life that make it

worth living don't get caught up on

people who will make you wish to never

live it yes

y'all gotta make sure you're choosing

them as advertised not falling in love

with their potential I don't think your

prospective is bleak at all I think it's

balanced and disillusioned in related

vernacular

choosing to believe who someone is is a

great example of living life on life's

terms

it's not always easy but it gets you out

of a lot of unnecessary wrestling

matches if you go into a marriage

long-term commitment with the impression

that you will be happy all the time and

your life will only change for the

better you are absolutely wrong be

realistic that there will be days you

won't be able to stand each other your

lives may absolutely hit rough patches

and you will not agree on how why that

situation occurred or even how to get

out of it

the like go unhallowed it together if

you can agree on food sleep soundly

compromise on activities and do your own

thing one of the days and not get mad at

each other you stand a good chance of

lasting a while I love my boyfriend to

bits and miss him a lot we don't live

together yet but boy do I like sleeping

on my own in bed sometimes space is

healthy just because you're in a

relationship doesn't mean you have to

live in each other's pockets agreed I

love my boyfriend but I also love

sleeping in my own bed sometimes you

don't need to be in one don't light

yourself on fire to keep others warm

love is a choice not a feeling not

talking about sexuality here the

butterflies go away eventually it's

inevitable but you can choose to be

committed anyway and build something

beautiful together

conversely attraction is a feeling not a

choice you cannot negotiate someone into

being into you if they aren't you have

to be honest with them especially when

it's hard to do me and my boyfriend get

uncomfortably real with each other

sometimes and something we have both

learned is to listen to criticism

without getting defensive and when

giving criticism we don't attack each

other no matter how angry or sad we are

at each other I've had him call me out

for certain behaviors that nobody has

ever called me out on and I've done the

same for him we're both better people

for it because when we get it all out on

the table we have no choice but to work

on ourselves you have been visited by

the smiley dojo you will have happiness

in your future but only if you comment

nice smile Papa I hope you enjoyed the

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either way have a great day you

magnificent people