When to start dating again after long term relationship
DATING AFTER A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP 🚩 5 SIGNS YOU ARE NOT READY TO DATE YET
Hmm those five things. Do any of those apply to me? Hi, it's Ieva here. Welcome
to my channel. Five signs that you may not quite be ready yet to move from your
previous relationship to the next one. The first warning would be that you're
looking at the relationship as an escape plan. I was talking to this lovely lady
and she was telling me how she is really excited because she met this guy online
and they're gonna go on the date and then she sent me some screenshots of the
things that he was messaging her. He is finalizing his divorce. He is now going
to court because of the custody of his children. It looks like they're still in
the middle of the heated relationship drama. Maybe your situation is not like
that. However, maybe you have other things going on. Maybe you recently lost a job,
maybe you see that, oh you know what, my mental or my physical health is not
really in the place that I would like to. But you know what? Oh I don't care. I
don't want to focus on any of that. I just want to forget about everything. I
want to forget about my ex as soon as possible and as an escape plan I'm
just gonna start dating another person. I just don't think that's right. Now
imagine if you do your nails, right? If you have chipped nail polish and now
on that chipped nail polish, you're gonna get another layer of the colour. then
after some time you know you get a a couple of chips, you put another layer of
colour. Well, the colour is gonna be there, but it's not gonna be like a nice fresh
colour, right? This is very similar to how it is with relationships. Very often what
happens at the end of the relationship that is not working as well as you would
like to. There is usually a lot of drama going on and during that time the focus
on the relationship might have replaced the focus on other areas in your life. So
I think it's not fair on even that person you're gonna start dating if you
haven't sorted your life. So I think it's very important to do that and then go
into that new relationship. Let me know in the comments what do you think. Now
another big red flag why you might not be ready quite yet to date again after
long-term relationship is that your partner is not your therapist. And I'm a
true believer in that. I even dedicated a part in my book where I actually call it
he is not your therapist. What do I mean by that? Very often when a relationship
ends one of the most painful things is that not only you're losing a lover, but you're
losing one of the closest people in your life. And you're losing your best friend.
And that person very often is someone that you share your secrets with, is
someone that you share your your deepest insecurities, your fears. Very often is
that when you are not in a relationship the reason you want to be in a
relationship is that you want to have that person that you can share all those
intimate thoughts and intimate feelings in your life. And I think yeah this is
great, but sometimes it's not a new boyfriend or a partner that you need.
Maybe sometimes all you need is a therapist. I would like to suggest you
instead of maybe going on Bumble or going on meetups and thinking, Oh I'm
gonna go somewhere and meet a man. I would be like, you know what, on Bumble
instead of swiping for a man, I'm gonna swipe for a
girlfriend. And I'm gonna make some friends and I'm gonna go out and I'm
gonna make some friendships, because I think that is very very important that
you have a support system. That you have people in your life that you can share
you know all those things that you are going through. I don't think it's that
fair to treat your partner, your boyfriend as your therapist. It's just
not healthy in the long run. Let me know what you think. Let me know if you agree
with this or not tell me in the comments. I'd love to know. The next one is and you
not might like this, but you are still chasing a ghost. So I'll give you a few
examples and some of them you might think, oh this is funny. Who has ever done
this? and some of them you might think this is me and.. So maybe you caught
yourself doing yoga and for some reason, you thought about your ex. And you
started crying. Maybe you fall asleep imagining your ex
arms around you. Maybe you caught yourself going on Facebook and stalking
your ex-boyfriend ex-partner to a degree that you just think. Okay the this is not
right. I need help. And just thinking. oh I I love him so much. I want him back. I
wonder what I can do to get him back. You're still in that place where that
ghost is around you. And I know a lot of people say that, oh the best way to get
over your ex is to go out and be with other people and yes maybe that works
for you, then I salute you. But I think very often what happens is that if
you're still going through that time and if you're still going through those
feelings it's very likely that you are not over your ex. And it's very likely
that you are feeling heartbroken, and I think it's very important that you heal
yourself first and that you get over your ex before you can go and meet someone. So
I think this is definitely the sign that you are not ready to date yet.
And I would encourage you to watch a video on my channel that will help you
to heal a heartbreak. It's got some practical things that you can do and I
know this is very painful, and I know that it feels that the best thing is to
maybe put a fresh colour on the nails and just move on. And just be with another
person in order to forget your ex, but I think you can do better. And I think a
much better way is to remove that color, put the base and start step by step
fresh. It's gonna be nice. Trust me. So this one. You want a revenge. You want him
to see how great you are. You want him to regret that you broke up and maybe deep
down the reason you are thinking that it's because you're thinking, you know
what, I'm gonna go out with this new person. Maybe I'm even gonna start
putting pictures on my social media showcasing this new boyfriend
to show my ex, Look how great I am. And how desirable I am. And I was able to
meet someone else fast and this will help me to get my ex back, and this will
make him regret that we are not together. And he's gonna show up in a way that I
really want. He's gonna be the man that I really want him to be. You know all these
things. I think if this is what's going through in your head it's all right. You
acknowledge that and now you're like, Okay I think it's it's the sign that I'm not
ready to date yet. And you can take it from there. At least you are aware. And you
know what? Think about this person that you are planning to date and make your
ex regret. It's not fair on that person either.
You wouldn't want someone to use you in that way, would you? So I feel like you
know treat others the way you want to be treated. And the last sign that you are
not ready to date yet is, because that your heart is closed. And what do I mean
by that? You are thinking okay I'm gonna go out and I'm going to meet someone, but
I have to be very guarded because I don't want anyone to hurt me. And this is
natural that you are thinking like that but I think more important is to ask
yourself do I have the coping mechanism to deal with heartbreak? I think that
love requires a lot of risks and it's very risky and very brave of you to go
out and to believe in love again. And especially if you had like a terrible
breakup after a long relationship. I like to give this example with ice cream. You
know when you get an ice cream on a very hot day and it's very likely that that
ice cream will go all over your top. It's very likely, right? But you know how sweet
and lovely that taste is going to be of that ice cream, so you still take the
risk and you get it. So I think that it's very similar with love. That loving and
putting yourself out there can be very risky and you are very brave to do
that. However, if you feel that your heart is currently still really closed and you
you feel like you are definitely not ready then I wouldn't force yourself. I
would take it step by step and maybe I would work on the ways how to help
myself before I can move on and do those things. And if you feel that you
would like some support and if you feel like I'm that person that could support
you, then make sure you go to my book website WhyAmStillSingleBook.com
leave your information there to claim a free coaching session with me where I'll
do all I can to help you. I hope that this video did not put you off and I
hope that you will look at it in a positive way and you will look at it in
a way like, Okay I've already learned a lot of things and
I'm in a much better place than I was when I just broke up with my ex, but I
still feel there are a couple of things that I could do to feel even better
about myself. And then I can go out and I can attract that person. I'd like to know
if you found this helpful and tell me in the comments if you can think of other
signs that someone is not ready for a relationship yet after a long term
relationship. Let me know in the comments. And if you watch this and you're
thinking, you know what, none of that applies to me and I am ready to go. Then
make sure to check out the video on my channel that will help you to start
dating again after a long-term relationship. I'll see you there and if
you have a girlfriend in your life that you think could find this really useful
then make sure you share it with her and for more dating and relationship advice
make sure that you subscribe and hit the bell. so you don't miss any of my future
videos, Thanks so much for watching and always remember that you are worthy of
love. See ya.
