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DATING AFTER A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP 🚩 5 SIGNS YOU ARE NOT READY TO DATE YET

Hmm those five things. Do any of those apply to me? Hi, it's Ieva here. Welcome

to my channel. Five signs that you may not quite be ready yet to move from your

previous relationship to the next one. The first warning would be that you're

looking at the relationship as an escape plan. I was talking to this lovely lady

and she was telling me how she is really excited because she met this guy online

and they're gonna go on the date and then she sent me some screenshots of the

things that he was messaging her. He is finalizing his divorce. He is now going

to court because of the custody of his children. It looks like they're still in

the middle of the heated relationship drama. Maybe your situation is not like

that. However, maybe you have other things going on. Maybe you recently lost a job,

maybe you see that, oh you know what, my mental or my physical health is not

really in the place that I would like to. But you know what? Oh I don't care. I

don't want to focus on any of that. I just want to forget about everything. I

want to forget about my ex as soon as possible and as an escape plan I'm

just gonna start dating another person. I just don't think that's right. Now

imagine if you do your nails, right? If you have chipped nail polish and now

on that chipped nail polish, you're gonna get another layer of the colour. then

after some time you know you get a a couple of chips, you put another layer of

colour. Well, the colour is gonna be there, but it's not gonna be like a nice fresh

colour, right? This is very similar to how it is with relationships. Very often what

happens at the end of the relationship that is not working as well as you would

like to. There is usually a lot of drama going on and during that time the focus

on the relationship might have replaced the focus on other areas in your life. So

I think it's not fair on even that person you're gonna start dating if you

haven't sorted your life. So I think it's very important to do that and then go

into that new relationship. Let me know in the comments what do you think. Now

another big red flag why you might not be ready quite yet to date again after

long-term relationship is that your partner is not your therapist. And I'm a

true believer in that. I even dedicated a part in my book where I actually call it

he is not your therapist. What do I mean by that? Very often when a relationship

ends one of the most painful things is that not only you're losing a lover, but you're

losing one of the closest people in your life. And you're losing your best friend.

And that person very often is someone that you share your secrets with, is

someone that you share your your deepest insecurities, your fears. Very often is

that when you are not in a relationship the reason you want to be in a

relationship is that you want to have that person that you can share all those

intimate thoughts and intimate feelings in your life. And I think yeah this is

great, but sometimes it's not a new boyfriend or a partner that you need.

Maybe sometimes all you need is a therapist. I would like to suggest you

instead of maybe going on Bumble or going on meetups and thinking, Oh I'm

gonna go somewhere and meet a man. I would be like, you know what, on Bumble

instead of swiping for a man, I'm gonna swipe for a

girlfriend. And I'm gonna make some friends and I'm gonna go out and I'm

gonna make some friendships, because I think that is very very important that

you have a support system. That you have people in your life that you can share

you know all those things that you are going through. I don't think it's that

fair to treat your partner, your boyfriend as your therapist. It's just

not healthy in the long run. Let me know what you think. Let me know if you agree

with this or not tell me in the comments. I'd love to know. The next one is and you

not might like this, but you are still chasing a ghost. So I'll give you a few

examples and some of them you might think, oh this is funny. Who has ever done

this? and some of them you might think this is me and.. So maybe you caught

yourself doing yoga and for some reason, you thought about your ex. And you

started crying. Maybe you fall asleep imagining your ex

arms around you. Maybe you caught yourself going on Facebook and stalking

your ex-boyfriend ex-partner to a degree that you just think. Okay the this is not

right. I need help. And just thinking. oh I I love him so much. I want him back. I

wonder what I can do to get him back. You're still in that place where that

ghost is around you. And I know a lot of people say that, oh the best way to get

over your ex is to go out and be with other people and yes maybe that works

for you, then I salute you. But I think very often what happens is that if

you're still going through that time and if you're still going through those

feelings it's very likely that you are not over your ex. And it's very likely

that you are feeling heartbroken, and I think it's very important that you heal

yourself first and that you get over your ex before you can go and meet someone. So

I think this is definitely the sign that you are not ready to date yet.

And I would encourage you to watch a video on my channel that will help you

to heal a heartbreak. It's got some practical things that you can do and I

know this is very painful, and I know that it feels that the best thing is to

maybe put a fresh colour on the nails and just move on. And just be with another

person in order to forget your ex, but I think you can do better. And I think a

much better way is to remove that color, put the base and start step by step

fresh. It's gonna be nice. Trust me. So this one. You want a revenge. You want him

to see how great you are. You want him to regret that you broke up and maybe deep

down the reason you are thinking that it's because you're thinking, you know

what, I'm gonna go out with this new person. Maybe I'm even gonna start

putting pictures on my social media showcasing this new boyfriend

to show my ex, Look how great I am. And how desirable I am. And I was able to

meet someone else fast and this will help me to get my ex back, and this will

make him regret that we are not together. And he's gonna show up in a way that I

really want. He's gonna be the man that I really want him to be. You know all these

things. I think if this is what's going through in your head it's all right. You

acknowledge that and now you're like, Okay I think it's it's the sign that I'm not

ready to date yet. And you can take it from there. At least you are aware. And you

know what? Think about this person that you are planning to date and make your

ex regret. It's not fair on that person either.

You wouldn't want someone to use you in that way, would you? So I feel like you

know treat others the way you want to be treated. And the last sign that you are

not ready to date yet is, because that your heart is closed. And what do I mean

by that? You are thinking okay I'm gonna go out and I'm going to meet someone, but

I have to be very guarded because I don't want anyone to hurt me. And this is

natural that you are thinking like that but I think more important is to ask

yourself do I have the coping mechanism to deal with heartbreak? I think that

love requires a lot of risks and it's very risky and very brave of you to go

out and to believe in love again. And especially if you had like a terrible

breakup after a long relationship. I like to give this example with ice cream. You

know when you get an ice cream on a very hot day and it's very likely that that

ice cream will go all over your top. It's very likely, right? But you know how sweet

and lovely that taste is going to be of that ice cream, so you still take the

risk and you get it. So I think that it's very similar with love. That loving and

putting yourself out there can be very risky and you are very brave to do

that. However, if you feel that your heart is currently still really closed and you

you feel like you are definitely not ready then I wouldn't force yourself. I

would take it step by step and maybe I would work on the ways how to help

myself before I can move on and do those things. And if you feel that you

would like some support and if you feel like I'm that person that could support

you, then make sure you go to my book website WhyAmStillSingleBook.com

leave your information there to claim a free coaching session with me where I'll

do all I can to help you. I hope that this video did not put you off and I

hope that you will look at it in a positive way and you will look at it in

a way like, Okay I've already learned a lot of things and

I'm in a much better place than I was when I just broke up with my ex, but I

still feel there are a couple of things that I could do to feel even better

about myself. And then I can go out and I can attract that person. I'd like to know

if you found this helpful and tell me in the comments if you can think of other

signs that someone is not ready for a relationship yet after a long term

relationship. Let me know in the comments. And if you watch this and you're

thinking, you know what, none of that applies to me and I am ready to go. Then

make sure to check out the video on my channel that will help you to start

dating again after a long-term relationship. I'll see you there and if

you have a girlfriend in your life that you think could find this really useful

then make sure you share it with her and for more dating and relationship advice

make sure that you subscribe and hit the bell. so you don't miss any of my future

videos, Thanks so much for watching and always remember that you are worthy of

love. See ya.