When to start disciplining toddlers
How to Discipline a One Year Old (or create a YES SPACE!)
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hey guys welcome back to the parenting
junkie the place to go to love parenting
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in today's video why you shouldn't
discipline your 1 year old and what you
should do instead stay with me
today I'm reading the question from
Isabel and she writes hey every time I'm
a first-time mom from Australia and baby
boy is 11 months old he has been a super
curious baby from day one now that he is
cooling he wants to play with everything
including non play items like the TV
screen or mobile phone or power cords I
know he is curious and wants to learn
but how do you discipline at this age
since they don't really understand much
yet in terms of words so much confusing
information out there with disciplining
a baby of this age group also I love
your channel thanks for all the great
mama info lovely Isabelle if like is
about you have also ever been confused
by all the conflicting parenting advice
out there give this video a like and
give me a love in the comments I'll be
the first to go because I know I have
now you'll want to stick with me till
the end because I've created a free
cheat sheet for Isabel and for all you
baby mamas out there
Isabel this is a great question and one
that I get very often because it is so
confusing there are so many methods out
there how to train our babies and how to
discipline a one-year-old recently I was
taught about the blanket method which
scared the heebie-jeebies out of me
basically it's a whole group of
thousands of people who are following
this method where you put a blanket on
the floor and every time the baby gets
off the blanket they get hit so they
learn by Pavlovian association that
getting off the bank
equals painting better stay on the
blanket and this is how parents are
keeping their one-year-old sitting on a
square blanket this type of thing
frightens the living daylights out of me
the idea that we need to frighten our
children and use fear-based
and pain based approaches to discipline
and train them into certain behaviors
just for our convenience doesn't make
any sense to this heart and this mind my
own perception is about is that one year
olds need no discipline one year olds
entire job in the world is to explore
and that's what they're designed to do
and that's what they need to do every
time I read about a method that suggests
spanking letting shouting no I get sad
because I realized that it's all rooted
in fit in fear that we can't keep our
children safe and that we can't create
an environment for them to be free in
and that we need to somehow induce a
fear in them of us and our reactions in
order to control and manipulate their
behaviors in ways that suit us better
for me that price is way too high and
completely misguided I don't want my
one-year-old not to touch that things
because he's afraid of me or afraid of
pain I want him not to touch certain
things because they're dangerous for him
or inappropriate and so it is my job as
a parent to remove those things from his
reach 1 year olds need to explore climb
touch grab put things in their mouth
smell roll over they need to use their
bodies to learn movement is learning for
them at this stage and that's why the
entire culture of strapping them into a
bouncy seat for hours or into some
kind of exersaucer that they are kind of
put in and they can't get out of is not
developmentally appropriate in most
cases at least not for any length of
time their job is to explore and our job
is to keep them safe it's that simple
rather than manipulating your child
learn to manipulate the environment the
very word discipline is from the word
disciple ie student it's about learning
well what do we want our 1 year olds to
learn do we want them to learn that the
world is a dangerous place that they'll
be hurt and yelled at by the caregivers
and their attachment figures in their
lives
if they do certain arbitrary things or
do we want them to learn that they will
be protected and be put in a safe space
where their caregivers watch over them
and make sure that they are free to
explore and to develop in the way that
nature intended personally I believe
that the longer and deeper a child feels
safe and that they are in a safe
relationship and a safe environment the
better equipped they will be in
adulthood or as they mature to deal with
things that are not safe in other words
when children learn that everything's
dangerous like I'll get hit if I leave
my blanket they live with a perpetual
sense of fear about how the world works
they don't ever have that safe haven
that safe space in that safe
relationship so that they can go from
there with confidence into the world and
take reasonable risks they don't learn
to assess those things themselves or get
real feedback from the wall because it's
all been manipulated to continuously
give them doses and hits of cortisol and
PHA in their brains I think we need to
go the opposite route to create an
environment where children themselves
feel empowered feel safe feel that their
interest their needs their urges that is
are supported by the people who love
them so please do not think of
disciplining a one-year-old who's doing
exactly what they need to be doing look
any kind of fear-based discipline has
some serious drawbacks number one it
makes your relationship based on fear
ask yourself how does introducing fear
between you and your baby help support
the secure attachment between you if
you're not sure how to answer this
ask yourself Howard introducing fear
between you and your partner helps
support the secure attachment between
you if you were afraid that when you did
the wrong thing or spent too much money
your partner would punish you or hurt
you would that help you feel closer and
safer with that person hmm number two is
it might not even work you could be
slapping a baby yelling at a baby
shouting no and they might still do
those things that are unsafe they might
still go to the cable cords or to the TV
or to the glass on the table and so now
you've taken the route of discipline but
you still haven't kept your baby safe
but you are responsible for your child's
safety
so using fear doesn't guarantee that
they stay safe number three it's likely
to create pushback a child who is
constantly restricted in that
exploration is likely to respond in one
of two ways the first is to push back to
become extra rebellious to seek risk at
ever greater costs especially as they go
into toddlerhood and become a little bit
more physically able to they might not
be able to assess risk properly and they
might actually seek out ways to push the
boundaries further and to finally claim
that freedom and liberation and
independence that they've been trying to
gain number four is the opposite
pushback might happen where a child
might retreat and become even more
I'm afraid of the world around them if
we keep using fear and try to discipline
a one-year-old then they are going to
get the message that the world is in
fact a dangerous place that they
shouldn't try for whatever it is to walk
to run to jump to go on the monkey bars
because the adults in their lives have
shown them that the world is dangerous
and that they will be punished even
through the relationship itself if they
push themselves a little further and try
to explore but finally and worst of all
is the fact we've already established
which is that it doesn't respect his
developmental need to explore so what
can you do instead instead you can
create a yes space you can baby-proof
you can create an environment at home
that supports his development you can
put things away that are dangerous for
him and make a space that if you had to
you could go and take a shower and
completely not be there to watch him and
he would still be safe the idea of a yes
space is to liberate both parent and
child from constantly saying no and
controlling each other now there is
absolutely nothing wrong with saying no
from time to time and setting limits in
that way it's fine and it's necessary
but for the most part we want our lives
to be yes life and if you want more on
this watch my video on how to turn your
no into a yes and why that's so
important and if you want more on how to
create a yes space I have created a free
PDF download for you with ten steps to
creating an excellent blessed space for
your young baby or even your toddler
having a guest space creates a great
opportunity for
baby to really respect their independent
exploration and their independent play
now there are several things I recommend
having in this yes space so I highly
recommend that you go and download that
PDF to really work through a cross a
beautiful yes space that serves your
baby's developmental needs and also
you'll find that it will serve you so
well it's so liberating to know that you
could put your baby somewhere and that
they'll be safe you can go and do some
cooking some laundry a shower
read a book whatever it is do not be all
over them like white on rice you can get
that absolutely free by clicking the
link below and I would love to see
pictures of your yet space so to share
them with me in our Facebook group love
parenting with a fatality
I also recommend watching my video about
Rai Rai is a philosophy about how to
care for babies that was developed by
Magda Garber and that is where the yes
space contact comes from and a lot of
other great insights on respecting a
young baby's development and their me
now I just want to say to all the baby
mama out there now is the time to
cultivate a deep sense of independent
play in your child I hear from parents
all the time with slightly older
children how much they wish they have
started this approach earlier if you
start supporting a safe space an
independent play in your one-year-old at
this stage you will reap the benefits
and so will your child for years to come
if you want to learn more about how to
support these immersive imaginary
independent play even from the youngest
of ages first of all you can check out
my free video on how to encourage
independent play how to get your kid to
play alone and also I only invite you
over to check out present play which is
an online community center and very
extensive library of videos and
resources
not to mention the actual community
aspect which brings packs with all over
the world together to prioritize play
and our children it's not impossible to
get on that bandwagon later but it does
become a little bit harder
once that habits are changed keep on
loving parenting and parenting from love
because your kids need you almost as
much as you can if you're looking for a
supportive community of like-minded
parents I warmly invite you to join our
love parenting with Avatar Facebook
group plus head on over to the parenting
junkie comm and sign up for email
updates so I can give you my free pdf
guide ten easy steps to transform your
home into a play inducing Haven the
parenting junkie
