When to start writing vows
HOW TO Write The PERFECT Vows
well hello lovely humans and welcome
back to my channel in last week's live
I had an overabundance of the same
requests and that is how do you write
your vows like what are you supposed to
do if you're gonna write your own vows
and I have a sneaking suspicion it's
because a lot of us have some extra time
on our hands right now so I thought it'd
be a good idea to throw together a video
on how to write the perfect vows so
without further ado let's just jump
right on into it so first and foremost
I'm just gonna say you don't need to
write your own vows if you don't want to
you don't have to you can absolutely go
with traditional vows you can go with
the pre written ones you don't have to
write anything from scratch if you don't
want to so like if that's you feel free
to stop watching right now I completely
allow it but it could be fun if you want
to stick around on the journey with me
because who knows what might come up out
of my mouth but if you choose to do it
you're going to want to do some prep
work before you actually put pen to
paper the first person you could talk to
you is you're efficient if he or she has
done this before my guess is they have
some great tips for you on putting
together your own vows they may even
have a template for you which is a
game-changer because then it kind of
gives you a framework to work with
moving forward so you're not flying
blind they would also be a great source
for like a pep talk or encouragement for
what they've seen work really well and
what they seem that hasn't worked as
well next you're going to want to talk
to your fiance and this is something
that I did with my husband because I
love writing I love reading I'm a bit of
a wordy character if y'all haven't
picked up on that just yet I am so I
went to my now husband then fiance and
said okay how we gonna do this like are
we are we doing it short and sweet
are we copying something off the
internet are we writing it from scratch
like what are we doing because I didn't
want mine to be super super long and he
has to be super super short because he
does not like writing and he hates
public speaking and in case you haven't
noticed I like I like talking the next
thing I recommend that you do is talk to
your fiance and figure out kind of what
you want to do to
do you want to add traditional elements
are you going to be using a traditional
template and tweaking it to kind of fit
who you guys are you're gonna want to
talk about length I recommend about two
to three minutes for personalized vows
but you're gonna want to figure out kind
of an equal length and an equal pacing
so it doesn't feel like one of you is
talking for forever and the other one
says like for words
next you're gonna want to decide if you
are going for like a funny angle and
sharing funny stories are you going
super sweet and romantic are you doing a
mix of both and while they don't have to
be perfectly matched in this regard if
one person is kind of turning the vows
into a romantic roast and you're going
straight for the sappy stuff I don't
know like that's entirely up to you but
it is kind of good to discuss like where
do you want to go with this what are you
feeling what are you thinking obviously
like if one of you is a stand-up
comedian you know like it was gonna be
funny no matter what but it is a good
idea to kind of jump into this both on
the same page next I would highly
recommend jumping on the Internet and
reading through either actual examples
of vows or finding a template to work
with especially if you're super nervous
there is absolutely no harm in jumping
on the internet and reading through
other people's vows and borrowing ideas
that you find to be really cool or
really special because here's the deal
it's still gonna be different for your
wedding because it's your love story so
it's not cheating to use a template or
to to read over some other people's vows
to give you a little bit of guidance now
here's where you want to sit on down
with a piece of paper and a pen or type
it up on your laptop it's up to you and
really reflect on your relationship
together how did you guys start what is
your love story look like what's a
struggle that you guys went through and
overcame what do you love about your
fiancé what drives you nuts but you
promise to deal with for the rest of
your life you know what I mean so really
focus on what your relationship looks
like what your favorite parts of your
relationship are any funny stories or
tidbits that you feel like that might be
fun to share and now we get to the
actual writing portion of things Before
we jump into that I will say it is
probably in your best interest to avoid
overly embarrassing stories now a couple
little quips here and there funny little
anecdotes are highly welcomed but you
don't want to spit roast your fiancee in
your vows this is a moment where you can
be kind of funny but you are promising
forever to each other so do your best to
avoid overly embarrassing stories and or
anecdotes I would also recommend not
going too hard on the inside jokes you
can have one or two but if you go and
explain an entire story that no one in
the crowd is gonna get it's gonna be
really hard for them to track with you
after doing a ton of research which of
course is something I do for all of
these videos I found that there's a
pretty easy four-step framework when
writing your vows the first thing you're
gonna want to do is talk about your love
story or share a story and this can be
how you first met what drew you to this
person this could be a struggle that you
overcame because it doesn't all have to
be positive you can talk about how you
soldier through something together and
how it made you stronger on the other
side next you're gonna want to affirm
your partner what do you love about them
their laugh their smile the way they
handle situations I mean you know your
partner better than anyone on this
planet so you can really come up with a
couple of great things that you just
want to say here's what I love about you
from my husband he is strong and
steadfast and I know that I can always
depend on him he is so loyal he is so
funny
like he's man that that man is hilarious
I hope he doesn't see this though cuz he
won't let me hear the end of that but he
is and that's one of the things that I
love the most about him next we're gonna
want to make promises it really isn't
considered a vow unless you promise or
vow to do something I promise to always
kiss you goodnight I promise to do my
best to put my socks
into the hamper it doesn't have to be
serious it can be silly or a mixture of
both but come up with a couple of things
that you promise to do in your
relationship moving forward or that you
will do your best to do and then you can
end it with a final big vow this is a
great opportunity to circle back to the
beginning of your vows when you were
sharing that story or you were sharing
what you loved about them I vow to give
you space to express your creativity if
you told a story about how their
creativity drew you in some way to
interconnect what you said at the
beginning and then share again at the
end as a part of your final vow you
don't have to do it that way but it is a
great way to almost sandwich the vows
all together so now you have them
written and you're like boom
off that hook cool we're done moving
forward not so fast
this is only your first draft I know I
know
I know like none of us want to reflect
back to high school or junior high or
whenever we learned about first draft
second draft rough draft like it just
makes all of us cringe a teeny tiny bit
I know but you're about to promise your
love forever to someone so I don't think
it hurts to go over it a couple of times
and tweak is necessary especially if
public speaking is not your thing
practice reading it aloud remember
earlier when I said ideally it'll be
about two to three minutes if you find
yourself going on for five minutes
you've got too much in there if you find
yourself done after 30 seconds you might
want to beef it up just a little bit to
try to make it to that two minute mark
another great thing to do while you're
reading it out loud is mark for pauses
and intonations if you have something
that you feel like maybe particularly
funny or maybe particularly sweet you
might want to add a pause after you make
that statement for the crowd to chuckle
appropriately instead of barreling
through their natural and organic
reaction to the funny little tidbit that
you just said make sure that you pause
and allow them to laugh and enjoy that
moment with them whether you're laughing
or crying allow yourself to have pauses
when appropriate and that may be
something you want to write into your
vows as well that's okay just don't read
the word pause out loud that's like
don't do that I promise to always put my
socks into the hamper or at least I'll
try pause yeah wouldn't recommend that I
would also highly recommend that you
find a trusted loved one not your future
spouse but someone else to read them to
this will help you to feel a lot more
secure in what you're sharing so both my
husband and I actually chose his sister
Rachel to read our vows to so we could
have like someone to gauge whether they
were similar enough and whether they
would work well together so he practiced
with her and then I practiced with her
for us that was a great way to make sure
that we were kind of like same length
same level of emotion now you don't have
to find the same person to share your
vows with it just worked out really
really well for us and I felt so much
better going into our wedding day
knowing that that the same person had
heard both sets of vows and like gave us
her seal of approval moving forward now
after all of this please do not put too
much pressure on yourself if you find
yourself getting too stressed out about
having the perfect words or phrases it
exactly right
feel free to repeat any of the
steps go back and look at more templates
go back and read other vows you can
always make tweaks and additions moving
forward and if you're nervous keep
reading it out loud keep practicing keep
going back to your sounding board and or
your friends / editor and sharing those
vows over and over and over again or a
new person if that person gets worn out
and find a new person to share those
vows with because then you have a fresh
set of ears and fresh mind and a fresh
perspective ideally it is best you have
your vows done about three to four weeks
before your event trust me when I say
this the last few weeks are going to be
just kind of a whirlwind last minute
detail families are coming in from out
of town like you're getting your nails
done your hair done you've got a lot of
stuff going on in those final few days
and putting a bunch of pressure to write
the perfect vows at that time it's going
to be super stressful now this is one of
those do as I say and not as I did type
things because I think I definitely
wrote mine like two days before maybe
three it was super stressful don't
recommend it don't recommend it at all
but it was like high school Jamie came
back out and was like hey remember how
you procrastinate a lot and then you
write the 7 page paper the day before
it's due yeah apparently the marriage
vows are are not exempt from my
procrastination style so I definitely
have those done ahead of time don't do
what I did and the last thing you're
gonna want to do very last thing is
rewrite them onto a clean copy if you do
not trust your penmanship or if you
don't like it or if you're worried you
won't be able to read it well feel free
to type it out I mean I personally love
vow books I love it when vows are either
handwritten on torn pieces of paper or
something that you can frame later and
go back to I think there's something
really really sweet about that but the
most important thing is to make sure
it's clean and easy to read you don't
want anything with a bunch of stains on
it you don't want anything you
accidentally crumpled you want it to be
legible because if you get up there and
you can't read your own handwriting and
then you start ad libbing that could
either be really really great or really
really bad so make sure you have a clean
copy going into your wedding day that
you can either hold on to you have a
bridal party member hold on to or you're
efficient can hold on to it for you so
that's what we have for today foe
thank you so much for stopping by I know
we all have a little bit of extra time
on our hands right now so it's never too
early to start your vows it's never too
early to start taking notes or
reflecting back on your relationship or
looking at templates or other vows
online the more time you give this the
more confident you will feel sharing it
on your wedding day
if you guys have any other tips from
vowel writing be sure to leave those in
the comments below as always thank you
so much for watching if you haven't done
so already like the video because you'll
like the video and subscribe to this
channel for more tips and tricks for the
modern-day bride and until next week bye
guys
